Some time back I was invited to a friend’s wedding ,her name was Aisha and we had studied together in the university. She was one of my closest friends back in school and although we had finished school we never lost contact. She would visit me whenever she was in kaduna which wasn’t often since she lived in sokoto but she made it a point to stop by unless if it couldn’t be helped so when her wedding IV was sent to me I was happy to oblige. I was happy that I would once again meet up with my colleagues from school and I will also be opportuned to visit sokoto since I have never been there before, I was pretty sure I would have a great time
I got home and was chatting excitedly about this to my mum but one look told me there was going to be a problem.I don’t know if I am the only one this happens to but whenever I brought up the issue of attending a wedding my mother always had a reason to disagree especially since I finished my service and started working. It’s like am a secondary school student all over again, she only allows me to go to work and come home any other activity is not for me ofcourse unless if it was my wedding. When I talked about aisha’s wedding, she quietly asked me who aisha was and shocked, I replied “She is that my friend I shared rooms with in my first year and second year mana”, but much to my dismay my mum said she had never heard of her, I reminded her that she had met her a few times when we were in school and she even visited me a few times at home but she still denied knowing her, while trying to explain my mum started complaining about the ashobi money and travel expenses saying that 5 thousand was too much and how much was the fare to sokoto I calmly assured her that I would pay for it, as if that wasn’t enough she started complaining about how people had road accidents and so on, she decided to frustrate me by bringing up excuses till I gave up but this time around I refuse to give up so I came up with very good answers for all her concerns and excuses ,until she threw in the towel.
A month later I packed my bag and went to sokoto although mumsy still claimed she didn’t remember aisha and wasn’t too happy , on getting there I met up with my old friends and I got to see the seat of the caliphate and I had fun. I came back home and returned to my life. It bothered me that Aisha didn’t call me to findout if I got to kaduna safely or even to do the bangajia not even a text! I pushed such thoughts away,I though maybe she was busy with inlaws, months passed by and nothing…All my calls were un answered ,my text messages shuru,I was wodering what could have happened. Then she finally called back days later,we talked and nothing seemed oddshe apologized and said she was trying to settle into being a wife and the usual “ku yan mata don’t understand how hard it is to run a house”
One Saturday morning, almost a year after the wedding I met a cousin of aisha who also lived in kaduna, she told me that aisha had moved to kaduna with her husband almost a month ago. I was surprised because I had chatted with aisha about a week ago and she didn’t mention this to me. I tried calling her then but couldn’t reach her so I sent her a text telling her I heard she was now living in kaduna and when are we gonna meet? her reply came in the next day saying she was busy trying to settle down and she hadn’t finished unpacking but she will get in touch as soon as she does so that I can give her a visit, I replied ok and continued what in was doing. Two weeks went by and aisha didn’t call or send her address, I was wondering what was up with her, she didn’t even reply our normal whatsapp conversations anymore which was odd. I know your thinking why am so interested in going to aisha’s house,its not like I want to do amebo or anything like that but aisha and I have been friends from our first year and though we didn’t study the same course we were always hanging out and that’s why I was wondering why she was acting funny all of a sudden, Was she sick? probably pregnant but that wasn’t a reason.
weeks passed and there was no reply’s or message what so ever from aisha then I bumped into a mutual friend of ours jamila in the market one evening, we talked for awhile and just when we were about going our own way then I remembered and asked her about aisha, she told me that she has spoken to her a few days ago and that she was going to pay her a visit the next few days and she asked me if I wanted to come along. I said yes with mixed feelings and we agreed that I would come to her house then we would proceed to aisha’s place from there. I went home asking myself if I should visit aisha or just give an excuse on that day because, from the stories I’v heard all our mutual friends have been invited except a few of it looked like aisha was avoiding ,I spent the night wondering how I had offended my dear friend for her to cut me off like that! I couldn’t get to the bottom of it.
The day arrived and I met jamila at her house then we went to aisha’s house, apparently aisha heard I was coming with Halima and she tried calling me but couldn’t reach me. When I reached aisha’s house, I was in awe of how beautiful the house was, we all knew her husband came from a well to do family so this wasn’t a surprise. We were ushered in by a house help after we had knocked and we were told madam was coming as she showed us some seats in the reception. At first I thought it was odd to sit at the reception when the living room was close because this wasn’t our tradition as northerners, then I said maybe the househelp didn’t know we were the madam’s close friends, we waited the for awhile before she finally showed and we followed her into her living room.
The first thing I noticed was aisha’s mood, she was acting as if someone had insulted her which was very unlike her, she asked the maid to bring refreshments while we greeted each other I kept on looking at her trying to figure out what was making her act like this was she pissed with me or was it pregnancy hormones?she hissed and turned to jamila and said “Meyasa kika zo dahabiba kinsan ban son yanmata a gidana without my knowledge”I laughed thinking it was a joke alas it wasn’t a joke at all. To my dismay Aisha was particularly cold towards me, she wasn’t really answering me so jamila started talking about her 2 year old baby,they were talking as if they were only two of them in the room whenever I made a comment she about the topic of discussion she would say I wouldn’t understand married life, “habiba baza ki gane ba”I sat there smiling like an idiot. Finally it was time for asr prayer I asked aisha were we could perform ablution, she showed me the guest toilet at the corridor meanwhile she asked jamila to come with her inside so they could pray. I was dumbfounded, what an insult.. Did I look like a thief to her or what?I was very hurt and disappointed,almost 30 minutes later they came in laughing and jisting I tried to smile and asked what was so funny but aisha said I wouldn’t understand since am not married and that was the stick that broke the camel’s back. I was fuming! I gave them a piece of my mind and left, not even waiting for jamila. It turns out aisha had resolved to cut off all her single friends to allegedly protect her marriage from us,single ladies.
That night I told my mum about what happened at aisha’s house. I was confused as to why aisha would treat me this way.My mother then told me that a lot of girls are advised to change friends immediately they get married because they do not want to risk a single friend snatching their husbands from them. I know that this is true and it got me asking myself questions
1.Weren’t these friend’s the same ones you associated with when you were single?
- If they were good friends then why would they turn bad now?
4.and what makes her think that her so called married friends won’t make a move to snatch her precious husband?
5.What about our friendship doesn’t it matter at all? after being through a lot together and why don’t the men worry about their single friends snatching their wife? Or do they?
6.Why do we have to become enemies just because you are married and what makes you think your husband is on my radar when being single I have other options?
these questions kept on going round in my head.
From my observation after marriage women breakup into 3 different categories, there are the ones who transform into your aunties, they take pity on you for bring single as if it’s a diseases, they will keep asking you when you are going to get married, who is the latest guy, time is not on your side and blah blah blah, then there are the ones who become strangers ,you automatically become a threat to them so they decide to distance themselves from you in fear of you stealing their husband (as if there are not enough men in the world),then there are the faithful friend’s ,the ones who will still be there to listen to your relationship issues and share in your joys and sorrows as they have been before although she might be a more busy she will be there when you need her the most.
Which category do you belong to??
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