The Beautiful side of a Marriage :
My name is Laila Sulayman. I want to share my love diary with you. Marriage is a honey-bitter affair. My marriage has gone through both. How you approach and tackle marital problems determines how successful your marriage become.
I met my husband Ismail Ahmed through my family friends. Ismail was a civil servant working in Abuja. I went to visit my family friends and then my friend Hafsa and her sisters told me that theres a guy interested in me, he was their brothers friend. I never knew him how come he knows me har he is Interested in me? The response I got was that he saw my picture with them and he was head over heels (It was later on my husband told me that he never saw my picture, they just told him about me wai inada hankali sosai and inada kirki that was what caught his attention).
Ours wasnt love at 1st sight. When Hafsa & her sisters insisted i meet him, i wasnt impressed. i was like is this him? (Later on ismail told me he wasnt impressed either, he was expecting a tall lady cause he is very tall {shorty and tally,lol!} and earlier he saw me hugging my brothers he thought I was wayward, cause bai san brothers dina ne ba). We greeted and parted ways with Ismail.
That was it till some few months later we met on 2go, he spoke to me, I instantly knew it was him cause it was his full name written there, mine was my nickname he didnt know it was me till we talked for a while before he realised. We chatted for almost 2 hours getting to know each other better. He asked for my number and I gave him, he called and we bid each other goodnight. That was how our friendship started.
We were just friends, i clearly told him i was dating someone and we are almost getting engaged. Along the way he started professing his love but i told him it wasnt possible because i dont double date & I was already in a relationship. He told me he will never give up on me. By then i was in my 1st year in University of Maiduguri. We had an issue with my current boy friend who was supposed to kai gaisuwa in a month's time, whenever im in school maiduguri he never visits me, he only waits till I come back to Abuja before we see. Hausawa sunce," garin masoyi baya nisa", but he always complain that Maid is far bla bla bla.
Ismail who was my friend ko nace toaster as at that time will come all the way to see me. That was one of the things that started drawing my attention to him, he was so loving and caring even though i told him pop and clear that he doesnt stand a chance. it didnt stop him from calling or coming over. And behold I exed my Ex and started daring the most amazing and wonderful man on earth. The love was blossoming, my friends & roomies in school all knew about him and tease me love one tin-tin. When we make nite calls (MTN happy hour) he will asks me to look at the window to just notice the greenlands as he is also watchng them in Abuja. Us watching the same greenlands and fields really connected us. It was a magical connection, I could feel his presence with me. A friend of mine nicknamed Ismail Greenland cause of this, she calls him that haryanzu. Lokacin ana magic number, yasa numba na as his magic number so we could talk endlessly through out the day and part of the nite.
After 4 months of dating, I was back home frm school. Ismail confessed to me he had another Girlfriend Nadia and he has been dating her for 2 years now, I was shattered. I still remember how my heart broke into pieces at that news & the pain I felt but i pretended to be strong, I told him i wasnt going to be a side chick. I broke up with him and told him to go back to her because i never wanted same to be done to me. I don't want to be a snatcher. I couldnt sleep that Night, I cried and cried all my tears out. But this guy kept calling and calling endlessly, even though i was yearning to speak with him, i just couldnt pick his calls. He kept sending messages professing his love, apologising and explaining I didnt even want to believe. I prayed throughout the night and by the time i realised the time, it was already Subh. I immediately observed my salah and was about to go to bed when our guardman knocked, my aunt answered the door. She came 2 tell me i had a visitor. Knowing who it was, i said i wasnt going. Da asuba sey kace maye. My aunt said wulakanci baida kyau, from the looks of things u guys had a misunderstanding that was why he couldnt wait gari ya waye yazo yanzu, so please give him a chance to explain. Tunda ta matsa na zunbula hijab dina na fita. I didnt evn give him face nor room for any lovey lovey.
Ismail knelt down and started begging, i was embarrassed. Get up please!. We talked for hours, he did most of the talking. He didnt leave gidanmu sey past 11am. I listened to everything he had to say before I finally gave him an ultimatum since he said it was me he wanted and that their relationship was at the bricks already cause her people wanted her to marry dan garinsu and his dad also didnt like her. He sincerely told me that at 1st he didnt love me as much as he did her but with time my love supersized hers & that was why he decided to tell me about her. I had to make sure i wasnt a consolation for him. I told him to think about it very well then he should finally make a decison of who he really wants. It was either me or her but he couldnt have us both.
As God wil have it, after a while he was able to convince me that i am the chosen one. It was a fantastic feeling to know and realise that he don't want me to go. He kept saying, 'Ban taba haduwa da mace mey hankali irinki ba & i just cant let u go, i cant loose u'. Toh fortunately it was all over, & the fairytale love continued perfectly. It was all smooth until Hafsa & her sisters wanted to disrupt our peaceful and loving relationship. I just couldnt understand why. "Kune silar haduwarmu and now kuna son rabamu" why? They started tellin me lies about him & also told him bad fake lies about me. At first I almost fell in to their trap but eventually i figured it all out. I kept my personal distance from them for a while. I have an ear problem, i can recall Ismail gistng me Hafsa was like yanzu kurmar zaka aura? imagine!
Alhamdullialh we dated for 2years 3 months & finally we tied the knot. Them Hafsa ne kirjin biki. yan kaniya ta ciki na ciki dai. I can recall watching my wedding video where my husband was interviewed on how he's feeling now that he is a groom and he stated it was the happiest day of his life because he is married to the woman of his dreams. I was equally excited to spend the rest of my life with the man who knws how to treat me like a queen.
Marriage isnt always a bed of roses but then my husband was a very Loving, romantic, attentive, honest, caring, loyal, faithful & a family man. He loves spending alot of time with me, pampering me in all ways e.g breakfast in bed. We love each others company. We talk about everything, absolutely everything, we trust each other completely & we love each other "profoundly" unconditionally. We are very open with ourselves till date touching each other's phone isnt an issue 4 us. Sometimes he tells me to read then tells me what to write back in a txt msg. If there's anything i see that's not clear to me, i ask for clarity & he expalins it to me honestly.
Our marriage was smooth sailing until Nadia started texting & whatsapping to ask him if i was taking good care of him & confessing she still has feelings for him and doesnt mind coming in as the 2nd wife. I was devastated, "Wato the battle hasnt ended kenan". I sat him down & we had a long good talk. I didnt want and couldnt take that. I wanted him to respect me as his wife by not getting in touch with her, although it wasnt easy at 1st cause he kept saying "with time, ina son mu rabu lafiya da ita lafiya, kinsan mata kar in wulakantata and she'll go to some extent to hurt u or me bla bla bla", haka dai haka dai sometimes ma nike replying dinta if she sends him a msg, gradually dayaga na dage he stopped answering her though she kept sending msgs harde finally he blocked her from his whatsapp and other social network. That chapter closed. I hear she is married now,good for her.
Alhamdulillah we are blessed with a baby girl Nana Firdausi. A kwana a tashi ba wuya tana ta girma. Ismail spends all or most of his leisure time with us. We play around the 3 of us, pillow fights, Ludo, X nd O, Scrabble, Candycrush & oda games. He bathes Firdaus nd changes her diapers nd feeds her while i do other house chores. He was a loving father. What i love most is our night conversations, that is after our daughter has been tucked 2 bed. We just cuddle and talk. We speak of our fears, dreams, accomplishmnts and we encourage and give each other support where needed. Whenever Ismail isnt home we chat and talk on phone often, even if its jist to say I Love You. When i dont have a househelp, he helps with the house chores. He is a man who isnt afraid to show his love for me anywhere. We were at Hafsa's sisters wedding event & he was holding me nd trying to make me dance, his friend said, "kaikuwa gaban mutane baka kunyan manya". Ismail reply was, aah nida matata kuma? ba gwammani ba akan masu fita waje suna rungume ko rike yanmata a waje afterall they dont do that with their wives, su basuji kunyar haka ba saini da matata ta sunna. One thing i love is he don't address me with my actual name, only on two occassions. The 1st time he did it and sounded weird, shikanshi he felt weird. The 2nd was when we had a misundeŕstanding and he was furious. Apart from that for the past 5 years ko a gabam waye he calls me Honey, Hafsa teased me one day wai aah ba honey ba chewing gum, Ismail yace kamar kuwa kinsani ai mun wuce chewing gum seyde superglue...
Along the way we had financial issues, even though i came from a wealthy family I neva let his guard down. I stood by him through it all. I was very supportive & appreciated whatever he brought home no matter small or out of taste it is. I never complained of anything. sai muyi 1 week or more ba nama a abinci but it never bothered me, but abinci kam bamu taba kwana babu ba gaskia he would use his last kobo to shop kayan abinci, so kayan abinci was never a problem. I also never told anyone what we were going through. I didnt mind as he sold his car to pay rent & we were managing mine. Later on mine was sold too. I always prayed for him & persuaded him to pray to Allah too, "komai mai wucewa ne, duk abinda yayi farko zaiyi karshe, Allah yafi jarabtar bayinsa daya fiso, mu namu is to pray Allah ya bamu ikon cin wannam jarabawar" was what I told him a day i noticed he was very down. Ismail said, "Honey dan Allah ki cigaba da hakuri, im so sorry i cannot fulfill all your needs, expectations nd wants, nothing hurts me more than that. And the single thing i love is u have never complained about any of it all & i love how u pray for me whenever I shop for kayan abinci and bring back home. innayi kudi ba karamin dadi zakiji ba wallahy, zan kaiki duk inda kikeso zan siya maki kowace irin mota kikeso. Allah ya barmu tare". It was during one of our nite's conversation, we cuddled & talked more till we both fall asleep. Knowing my babe appreciated me elevated my mood for the nite, I had a peaceful sound sleep...Eventually Ismail bought me a car although he was still Carless.
Ismail is a very strong man, at 1st he hides his innermost feelings but gradually i taught him how to be open minded. I taught him how to share those feelings with me. Even somedays back he told me I've neva been these close & open 2 anyone in my life. I really appeciate ur presence in my life & i wish that our love will be an everlasting one, I love you so much.
Whenever i tease him nasan dana mutu zaka manceni & get married again, yace,'bantaba tunanin zan sami mace mai hankali dakeso na kamarkiba, ke dabance Honey. You're every man's dream. Im so proud to have you as my wife'. Please kar kaina ya cika dakinnan dan girma was my response & he said ba komai koya cika dakin zan tayaki daukarshi.
One of his weak moments is whenever i am sick. He gets more demoralized than me the patient. He always tells me ba abunda ke daga mashi hankali irin yaga banda lafiya. There was a time i was hospitalised, he was by my side on the bed weeping, he cried & cried and i was the one wiping his tears even i though i was leaving the earth & i could see how it will affect him if i really did. We both didnt sleep that night, he couldnt let me, he was scared if i closed my eyes I will be gone forever. Even though harshena ya lankwashe, i couldnt talk well he kept making me recite surahs in the quran as his eyes were brimmed with tears. It wasnt the only time he wept for me.
There was a day a keke napep man insulted, disrespected me & ran off. Unfortunately for him, my husband was just a dial away. I called & described the man to him indicating the colour of his shirt. Before he could disappear from the area, my husband spotted him parked in front of him, brought him out of the napep & gave him some blows before people saved him. We went home he said, 'Matarnan zaki iya sa inyi kisa fa, da ba'a zo an kwacesi ba kila sey ya suma zan bari'. Nace kisa? Ka rufa man asiri, a kama man kai asa a jail? Yace jail kadanne i can die for u wallahy & i cant tolerate any1 disrespecting u. Tun daga ranar he detests yan ke napep.
Ismail is very patient man, he hardly gets angry but when he does akwai matsala cause his temper can go way way high up. Another thing he likes is knowing where i was every min of a day, in na fita dana isa i should call and alert him. When im leaving ince nabar wuri kaza, when i get home in kira ince nadawo gida. Abun was tiring & I don't see its signficance so i stopped.
There was a day before he went out he permitted me to visit 3 of my uncles residences. He left before me with a friend while i dressed up, get into my car and drove off without calling 2 inform him nabar gida. I knew I'm suppose to let him know am going, but i shunned it, "ke kenan kullum iya son miji sai duk abunda yace zanyi" voice inside me said to me. I recalled a statement a friend made about it, 'lallai sannunki, ni kam bazan wani iya wannan ba komai sai miji ya sani, wannan ai takura ce'. I drove off without a 2nd thoughts.
I was in my 2nd uncle's house i was wondering why my bae didnt call, I said this man can't even check on me. I called him, "hello babe how far ka wani shareni -kawai" as if he is waiting for me to call him, he get furious 'Sai yanzu kika damu dani, ko ki kira kice zaki bar gida balle kice man kin isa bla bla bla, baki daukeni bakin komai ba, dama ban isa ince ki dauka ba, sau nawa na fada maki i hate it ki bar gida baki kirani ba ko ki isa inda zaki baki fada man ba, bansan meyasa bakijin magana ba' I said: Babe ba haka bane was... he hung up the phone! I was mad. See me see wahala oo, this guy wants to ruin my day with my family haka kawai. I went back to my family aka cigaba da hira.
When I was leaving the house, I called him as the usual good Wife, he picked & I was like babe zan bar gidan Uncle Mahmud to Uncle Salis's house, yace wannan kuma ya rage naki & hung up again. Abun ya ban haushi ehhnnn, as in what is this feeling like? What is so special about me not telling you that will get you angry like this? . Just let peace reign when I finally got home, I called again to notify him, but this time he said "Okay", nace "babe please kayi hakuri & pimp ya kashe wayarshi. The thing hurt me cause I hate it when someone end my call that way, "this man is on his own" I said to myself. "Meye na laifi anan ina kokarin bashi hakuri but yana wani basarwa na him sabi".
He came home & I act as if I don't know him, without the usual hug & peck by the door, to my amazement, he totally ignored me too. Even though it bothered me sai nayi kamar abun baya damuna, he was jovial and playing with Firdaus but totally not even looking at my side. I hate these silent treatment. He went to mosque then an elderly friend more like an aunt but with no blood ties called & i used the opportunity to seek her advice. I told her what she needed to hear, cause I didnt go into full details because I know it's not all your house secret you'll tell, & she was like "ke wawiyar wani gari ce"? "mijinki ya damu dake and you're pushing him away". He cares about you that is why he wants to know in kin isa inda zakije lafiya & so on", I replied "in yanaso yaji na iso lafiya why wont he call me"? She then said "if he travels did he call you when he reach his destination? I replied "Yes of course ", she hiss and said "then why cant u do the same for him"? he knows you'll be worried when he's on road that's why the moment he reach the first thing he did is to call you inorder to ease your tension". She concluded by saying "He cares about you shiyasa ma zai kira, then why cant you do same"? Ki zauna nan mijinka na sonki kina complain, you have know idea how many women out there want their husband to call just to "Kinkai lafiya" basu samu ba. Better appreciates & love your hubby. I my self still call my husband and tell him when I'm leaving or when I reach my intended destination, if not for the care at least you should do it for security reasons, am not praying for bad thing to happen but what if you told him you're in Wuse2 and open your leaving without informing him a bomb or another security threat happened and call you luckily your phone is unavailable how would you expect him to feel? She asked. Fun inda yake he'll drive down to Wuse2, with the way Boko Haram detonate bomb in the same place multiple times... I quickly said "waiyazubillah baa fatan haka nagode kwarai for this enlightment".
Mijina na dawowa from mosque I gave him a hug, he hugged back slightly then released me and went into Firdaus's room's. Nazo da yar murya Babe ga abincinka, bazan ciba. Nace haba my love. he ignored me. Took tea with bread and went to bed. I tried cuddling him in bed and apologising but he pushed me away, that was how we slept that night we both were turning and tossing missing each others arms. In the morning I woke him up with a peck prepared breakfast and was in the mood, he was still ignoring me but he ate the breakfast, I sat near him and started talking, 'haba baban ya'yana masoyina na kaina my honey, dan girman Allah kayi hakuri nayi kuskure bazan kara ba, ko baccin ban iyayi ba jiya sabidah bana jin dumin jikinka' with my innocence face, after various pleading he said, 'kece ai kin iya qule mutum wallahy' nace ka mun afuwan babena. Yace,'come here, dan kin shiga cikin yanuwanki kika shareni kika manceni nasan ba kya sona ai'. nace, 'wane ni? ai ban isa in shareka ba. so kuma babu wanda nakeso fiye dakai a duniyan nan, zo in baka abinci a baki dan jaririna'.
I thought by the time he got home it will be over but at every opportunity he gets saiya sako zancen but i kept ignoring the topic cause nasan yin maganar might cause chaos. The next morning he was going to travel for 3days, as I was putting his things togeda i wrote some beautiful notes & inserted them in between his things (a habit i've never outgrowned since the beginning of our marriage).
He left in the evening for his journey, we parted with hugs and pecks as usual. I made him promise he will take care of himself for us, he also told Firdaus to make sure she takes good care of her mama for him, We parted in good terms. After he left, I sent him a text message i told him how i would miss him and i apologised for hurting him & asked for his forgiveness for whatever i did knowingly and unknowingly. i also assured him not to worry about anythng, he could trust me 100%, i wil neva think of any other man, my eyes are closed shi kadai suke gani, i told him i love him blindly, beynd words. His reply was appealing, it was full of sweet things too.
A kwana a tashi ba wuya, the day of his returned arrived, I was so eager & excited to have him back. The sound of his horn made me feel butterflies in my belly, i just couldnt wait to see him. after parking all d tsarabas inside the house, i gave him a big hug. Firdaus was already asleep cause it was late. He kept tellin me how he missed me much, 'bantaba tafia da kike raina kamar wannan ba, duk na kagara in dawo in ganki wallahi, I love you so much , you're such a wonderful wife. May Allah continue to bless our marriage & may our love last forever my honeybonny'. Ameen ya rabbil alamina i love you so much more my darling husband, was what i replied & closed it with a kiss on his lips and I woke the following morning he already prepared a breakfast for us.
....THE END!!!
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