The Diary of A Broken Heart episode 6

The Diary of A Broken Heart episode 6

Read the episode you miss HERE

  We enjoyed a healthy but distant relationship together with Ammi. Always on the phone at least 3 times a day. Telling me what she's up to. Who did what and who went where, what she cooked cause she sure can cook. Am a living witness to it. We spoke about our future together. Even though I was not fully keying into it. Especially when i picture the temperamental Ammi I have to deal with. I thought people change so why would I rule out Ammi changing for the better.

  2 months or 3 months maximum won't pass me by and am in Maiduguri happily spending the weekend or enjoying my holidays. We however experienced the biggest test of our sweet relationship when I started my NYSC. The office I was posted to was not a no nonsense office. Skip a day and you won't be there to tell the tale. You can forget your monthly allowee from the office and they won't sign up clearance for your monthly allowee with NYSC. So for a whole year we didn't see. I couldn't use any weekend to go to Maiduguri and see my Ammi. And because of Boko haram, flights to Maiduguri were grounded and that's even if I can afford it. I could tell Ammi's frustration but I wondered whether she saw mine too. We broke up loads of time and hooked up all over again almost immediately.

  I cant count the number of times nayi azumin kaffara after swearing I wouldn't call her for a week after every break up. But I will still call her the very very same day or worst the next day. "Do I annoy you so much that it will make u swear never to call me again?" She asked me one time after I told her what the Azumi was about.
"Wallahi ka daina rantsuwa anyhow.  Bamashi da amfani ne ko kadan." She admonished me. 

"Amma idan na rantse ke zan aureki and idan ba ke ba sai rijiya you won't complain" I teased her.

She chuckled and said "Ai wannan rantsuwa ne mai kyau dan bin sunnar Annabi ne" she chipped in laughing.

"Ai kuwa duk Randa na gaji ni kuwa maza maza zanyi azumin kaffara in karkade rigata inyi gaba" i said and laughed too. She cleared her throat loudly in protest and pretended she didn't hear that. I laughed heartily.   It was one of those things about Ammi that really kept us going. The best feeling in the world is to have these moments with her when she was all playful and mischievous. She has her temper and I loved my peace and queit but I still saw us going through the ups and downs together in a marriage. Provided I behaved well!!! Thé fact that i enjoyed teasing people alot and get away with it doesn't mean I can have my way with Ammi too. It meant that I had to be careful with her and do alot of mood reading. Sometimes she likes it and sometimes she doesn't.  I just needed to somehow balance it.

  But why on earth was I supposed to balance anything? Am I an accounts keeper?  Why do I have to be careful and do alot of mind reading. Am i a psychologist? Can't I be myself around Ammi and never worry about anything? Must I be careful? Is it supposed to be like so even between husband and wife? Aren't they supposed to be free and tolerate most anything and everything Together? ??  Ammi made me understand one time when I voiced out my fears for the future. She said yes she agreed we were quiet different. And that is even why we have so much to share together. She said she would prefer fighting over loneliness. "Muhammad imagine if everybody in the world was like you. Boring, never assertive about anything, always making peace and saying alot of sorry even when it's not your turn to say sorry. Do you think people will enjoy life like that? It will be boring and lonely" She repeated once more. “I prefer to fight than to be lonely. I don't want my love story to be predictable and filled with boredom and no ups and and downs. Sometimes it's it's the ups and n downs that tightens the screw and sharpens the saw. There's alot of lessons and love in it." She finished reciting her lecture.

"Lessons i agree but love??? İ questioned. 

She just chuckled. "U remember our longest breakup? That big fight? How did you feel after we hooked up again? She prompted. "I could have sworn da ka rungumeni if you had the chance after seeing me."  And then I remembered vividly. We had a very nasty fight.  Everyone was swearing and throwing words. I wasn't used to that so I ended the relationship. I swore as usual never to ever call her again. We spent 3 weeks apart. 3 veeeery loooooong weeks. No calls no text no nothing. I was not miserable but I was lonelier than I had ever being. I remember us gisting one time after we started talking but we were not back together.  "No you hang up"  "No you hang up"  "U called so you should hang up"  "But why should I hang up if I called first?"  "Kai Muhammad, this feels like those days when you behaved like a baby boy fa. Now u are old. In fact very old. Thank God we talking now so I can put some sense into you. Honestly you need it. Good night" she said.  She didnt hang up.  "I cant believe we have been apart for 3 weeks. 3 weeks without you Ammi" I said incredulously.  "3 weeks 4 days" she reminded me.... there was a very long pause.  "Ammi?"  "Na'am Muhammad"  "Can i ask you something?"  "No gaskiya. Cause i cant answer any of your stuffs again."  "Just one last question Dan Allah" i rolled my eyes and begged.  "Just one ko? Alright shoot!"  "İ dont own a gun"  "Haha very funny" she said sarcastically. "I am going you bed pls"  "Ok ok!!! Why didn't you reply my text message yesterday?" (İ had forwarded a long romantic text message I had copied from a book. I finished with "I love you" and was hoping for a lengthy reply too).  "I did mana"  "No you didnt"  "Nidai i dont want to argue. I know I replied. I replied and said I loved you too and........" she paused.  "And what Ammi?" İ was sure she was fighting back tears. I could almost hear her heart thumping against her chest from the uneasy deep breaths I could hear. The silence stretched some more. I hate the tears in her eyes. I never want to see my Ammi cry. Maybe a joyful or happy tears but certainly not out of pain and hurt or suffering.  And this was all because of me. I quickly turned on my torch light phone I used as back up with my Etisalat line in it and there it was. Her text message dated yesterday immediately after my text and it read "i love you more Muhammad. I have really missed you..." the pang of guilt swarmed all over me and i felt like another Hitler...  "Ammi?" İ said softly  "İ love you Muhammad, I always did." Her voice was strong but almost breaking as if she was continuing from the text msg I just read. "I never knew what happened to you after that day. I knew and was so sure you were going to call as usual and make up the next day or worst case two days after. After a week........." she stopped.  "After one week, i tried to think of how to get you back but I couldn't.  All my thoughts were clouded by the anger I was deeply immersed In"  "Ammiyana  wallahi I never... i had no idea it was this bad for you too. I am so so sorry, I should have been a bit patient and understanding. I should have understood"  "No don't be! Just listen. I loved you all through those fights. Never feeling anything other than love even as I shouted at you. I never was able to gather the nerve to tell you how I was feeling after we broke up.....i should have. So the whole of it was my fault." She finished almost sobbing.  Silence.....  "I am coming to maiduguri first thing Friday morning. Maybe in kwana a kano but if I leave early I will be in maiduguri by evening" i said urgently.  "Why?" She demanded  I have let 3 weeks waste and gone just like that, I won't let another moment slip out of my hand just like that." I said in a final tone!  "3 weeks 4 days Muhammad" she reminded me.......

To be continue insha Allah on Saturday 16th July

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Special thanks to Muhammad Sani