Divorce Diary Season 3 episode III July 23rd 2016

MY NAME IS BASHIR SULEIMAN, I AM 42 YEARS OLD. I HAIL FROM KANO STATE. I AM A BUSINESS MAN AND ALSO A POLITICIAN CURRENTLY SERVING IN OUR NATIONAL ASSEMBLY. I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE MY DIVORCE DIARIES WITH YOU.

I met Kamila after going through a very bitter and difficult divorce from my first wife. In fact it was literally like 2 months after my divorce that Kamila and I met.  I met her at her father’s house. Her father was a political force to be reckoned with in Kano State. I went to see him about my House of Representatives ambition,everything depended on him. If he endorsed me and took me under his wing then the seat was as good as mine. I had to do all in my power to impress him and sell myself to him.
It was in the month of Ramadan, I will never forget. I was in the house to break my fast with her father and subsequently discuss my political future. Her father, let’s call him Godfather. Godfather liked to break his fast with his family despite his many guests, which I thought was odd. I didn’t think a man like Godfather should expose his family in that way. To slimy politicians and even political thugs. The Nigerian Political crowd is not exactly family friendly, but Na dem sabi.
As we ate, I couldn’t help but notice a pair of eyes gazing at me, sizing me up.  She was beautiful no doubt but not she wasn’t striking or stunning. She looked like she had been beautiful before and the last remnants of her beauty had clung stubbornly to her eyes.


Throughout the Iftar, we exchanged glances and smiles. I kept wondering who she was, and why she kept trying to catch my gaze. I was surprised when, after our iftar she walked up to me right in Godfather’s parlour and introduced herself. With all the politicians milling about. I never in my wildest thought that a Kano girl could be so forward.  Just as I was recovering from my shock, she told me:
‘I think you are handsome, I like handsome men. Call me when you’re free. You and I need to talk’
And with that she slipped a piece of paper to me with a phone number written on it.  I put the paper in my pocket and quickly said, trying not to look guilty in case Godfather appeared from nowhere.

“You’re right we DEFINITELY need to talk”
That night I had a very fruitful meeting with Godfather and he told me what I wanted to hear. He agreed to back me and support me for the House of Reps seat. And with that the seat was as good as mine.
During my drive home, I couldn’t stop thinking of the mysterious girl. She intrigued me. I wanted to know more. What kind of woman was she? So forward and brazen.  So bold. I stopped myself before I lost my mind. Who was I kidding? I was still raw and hurting from my divorce. My first wife hurt me badly and I was still reeling from the pain.

I was still feeling like a loser because my first wife cleaned me out,I was physically and emotionally drained. I thought about it all night. This girl clearly wanted me, but could I play games with the Godfather`s daughter? Could I risk it? Did she want a long term thing? Or did she just want a fling? Questions and more questions. I didn’t mind the fling but what I did not see myself doing was entering into a long committed relationship or even worse getting married. I was still raw and damaged from my experience with my first wife. I needed to find time to heal. Also I really needed to focus on my political career… messing around with the Godfather’s daughter was a bad idea.

We continued chatting and I continued to wonder how it would all play out. Until one day, a political associate told me of how Godfather was worried about his daughter not being married. He told me how desperate Godfather was to marry Kamila off. She was almost thirty and in Kano, an educated unmarried woman at that age was almost ancient and not very suitable to be wifed. So I asked my associate why she was still unmarried at that age despite being the daughter of a very prominent man. His answer was that she had no suitors. I felt it was impossible. But now in hindsight I think I understand why.
As our chatting progressed I got an idea. I would propose marriage to her not because I loved her but because being her husband guaranteed me political protection in Kano. Godfather would be pleased to hear that I wanted to marry his daughter. Plus I would also be helping the poor girl out. I knew deep down it was a bad idea but at the time my political survival was more important than anything else.


And that’s how I proposed to Kamila, exactly four months after we met. She agreed and Godfather gave his blessing. We got married after 2 weeks. No formalities, no events just the nikah. I thought it was a good sign that this marriage was the right thing to do. I did it despite all the advice against marrying her. My mother was particularly upset and disappointed that I had become the type of person that would marry for worldly gain.
Early on in the marriage I realised Kamila and her family had no regard for me,she was rude and uncouth. She was very disrespectful. One day I came home and I couldn’t find my wife. The guard told me she went home. I was surprised, so I called her but the phone was switched off. I thought maybe her battery died. I took a nap and woke up around Maghrib and she was still not back. I called her again but there was no answer. My anger gave way to worry as I wondered what could have happened. Could she have been kidnapped? I drove over to Godfather’s house to tell him I couldn’t find my wife only for him to tell me that there was no problem.
‘Ranka ya dade ban gane there’s no problem ba, Kamila has not come back home and her phones are switched off, I am afraid maybe wani abu ya faru sir’
‘Malam Bashir I said there is no problem. Kamila is fine. Nothing has happened to her. She is ok where she is’

I was confused.
‘Ranka ya dade, so you know where she is? Where is she?’
‘Relax Malam Bashir. Kamila just escorted her mother to Dubai. They will be gone for 2 weeks. ‘
‘And I as her husband should have been notified sir. I think as her husband I deserve to know when my wife is travelling, especially out of the country’
‘Oh stop this nonsense, let’s focus on the task at hand ‘


And just like that he dismissed my protest and continued to discuss our plans. As if nothing happened. Like I was invincible. This thing really shocked and pained me. What sort of family had I married into? And there was nothing I could to Kamila when she returned because I needed to win the election. I kept my peace.
And this disgusting pattern of disdain for me and my authority continued. She would go and come as she pleased. Travel the world with her parents without as little as a text message to notify me. Sometimes I would be lucky enough to be invited along but I would be treated like a servant throughout the trip. My mother was absolutely irritated and decided to step in. My mother decided to talk to Kamila. It was a terrible idea. She thoroughly disrespected and humiliated my mother. Even telling my mother to marry me if she was so interested in my welfare… that was the height of it. Disrespecting my mother!
I went straight to Godfather with my issued divorce. You won’t believe me but he tore it and threw it away. In my presence.


“My daughter is not a woman you can divorce. You will never divorce Kamila. You should go and warn your old woman to stay clear of Kamila or else I will involve myself. As long as you remain with me politically Kamila is your wife forever and ever. Ka gane?’
I was going to reply but my throat was dry. I couldn’t say all the things I wanted to say. I just said
‘Nagode sir’

I became a prisoner in my marriage. I was helpless. I couldn’t control Kamila. I couldn’t understand her. And I needed to win this election. I took it as my own sacrifice and persevered.
Then came time to campaign and I was on the road travelling to different towns and villages campaigning. I was away a lot. This girl started bringing to my house. My guard told me she brought men to stay smoking shisha and partying till odd hours of the night. I did not want to believe it, especially not so close to the election. I was confused and hurt deeply. I mean she didn’t even have the decency to see her lover in a hotel but she brought him to her matrimonial home. Oh God! What had I gotten myself into? What if she gave me a disease? What if she had already given me HIV?

The more I thought about it the more I realised I couldn’t continue staying in this marriage. Shebi I was already technically a slave? I had had enough. I returned to Kano with my resolve to end things with Kamila and damn the consequences. The humiliation was just too much. I confronted her and her best answer was that she brought men to the house because she was bored and lonely.
‘See you cannot dictate to me who I can entertain in my own home. Ka gane KO? After all marriage is not prison. I have male friends and they visit me from time to time. You’re just an uncivilised man still living in the 20^th Century. I can’t believe I agreed to marry a villager like you’
“Kamila what is wrong with you? I am your husband yet I don’t even know these friends of yours. Why do they visit only when your husband is out of town? And why do they visit at night to turn my house into a nightclub?’

She hissed and walked away.

I followed her with my letter in hand.
‘Take this to your father. I don’t anything to do with you or your family. Just leave.’

‘Not only are you a stupid villager you are also an impotent fool. You’re pained that you cannot make me happy because you are not my class! Your brain is so poverty ridden you think you have done something with this divorce. Idiot’


After some days, I got a call from Godfather telling me if I wouldn’t take Kamila back then I should forget about my ambition. I said fine. I don’t want the member house of reps again. My Mumu don do!
And as God would have it, I joined a new party called APC, with a very popular presidential candidate whose popularity ensured that I won my election. I did it with help from the most unexpected source ever. Alhamdulillah

I have realised the importance of sincerity of purpose in this life. Especially when it comes to marriage, if you are not being sincere in your intention then things will definitely be difficult for you. Another important lesson I have learnt is that what is yours is yours and you can only rely on God for victory.
Thank you.
 All thanks to Jaruma Magazine Chief Editor For Allowing Us to Re-Broadcast it
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