I remember when I met Jamil for the first time. He had lifted me at the usual rush hour from AYA bus stop. It was me alone because he had refused the other that had come in too. I didn't understand why but he had said it was for security reasons. I was suspecting he was up to something before he told me about the girl he would marry soon. She is a Hijaabi like me so I guess that was the attraction.
We exchanged numbers and went our ways.
I had met a number of men that period but he was single and once he later opened up to me that the marriage would work because he was put off by her height, I allowed myself to fall. We started meeting and I pushed the others away. I wasn't the double dating type and I was naive.
The issue was he called when he liked only but I almost never got him when I needed. I didn't understand a thing. He spoke of marriage and that's what I wanted, but I was leaving in dreams. You see I'm an orphan and I was with my uncle then. I had really gone through a lot but that's a story for another day.
Fact is I was in love, foolishly. Money wasn't his issue because he spent on me. In fact I had never been in such a relationship and I didn't know how to spend a man's money, so many times we would go shopping with me getting almost nothing. I have a rare taste and I never settle for less.
However he wasn't coming home although he had taken me to visit his brother and cousins residing within Abuja and even his father once he came visiting. I was intrigued because that meant he was serious right. But he avoided my home. Trouble started for me the first time he broke up with me because I hadn't picked his call though it was because I wasn't close. He wouldn't listen and he was very possessive. I was scared dead that night. I couldn't reach him anymore so I had gone to visit his married cousin not fearing anything, it was almost 12:00 am.
That should have been a sign that I was desperate or so but I couldn't read it. He picked me up the next day without even saying sorry. And that was the beginning, he would tell me its over for any reason and each time it would shake me. Then he would come back without any explanation. He was so jealous and possessive but I liked it because I had no time for another man. I was too much in love with him. He didn't care I put on the Hijaab.
He would take me everywhere except his house because of something he was hiding(later I found out it was another woman). He even entrusted me with his money to save for him. But what I never knew was that I was losing my self esteem gradually and unknowingly. He came visiting my uncle's wife, my uncle was almost never around as he had been transferred. It was okay and I was happy too.v
My uncle came and Jamil visited at last. My uncle seemed okay when he discussed with me later about it asking if marriage was what I wanted. I affirmed and he said it was okay. I was an adult now. I was 16 when I had graduated secondary school and yes I wanted to further my education. In fact that was why I was in My uncles'. I have always been a person that would never want to burden anyone if possible. Among the reasons why I wanted marriage was I have always been a fan of early marriage and I felt it would help take my burden off relatives. I always feel out of place and don't wish to disturb anyone.
To cut the story short, my uncle asked me to return to my maternal aunt from where I came but knowing I have nothing left to gain there I moved in with a friend and her family. They welcomed me.
Jamil was infuriated or it seems so saying that he would marry me now more than ever to rib it on my uncle's face. He wanted some business to work out.
We searched for somewhere in Nassarawa and we got one. Then we had to go visit my mums relative since my paternal uncle seems to have been done with me. But we never got to go. Jamil was always having one excuse or the other and I was patiently waiting. I still could only reach him when he wished. Then he lost his sister and he was heartbroken. He had to go home and I volunteered to accompany him but he refused. when he got back he started acting strange. I figured out somehow that there was someone. It was a well laid down so when I confronted him he was shocked. How did I know? (he later confessed to me that me finding out made him think I was a witch) I spoke to the other lady to confirm it. I wanted to die that night but knowing the punishment for suicide, I won't do it myself. I confronted him with the hope that I could ask him to help me die and he lied saying he did that to test me. It was the new house we were suppose to be in after marriage. How could he try to keep a girlfriend down the street? I couldn't do it. There was a commotion and he got scared of me. I left and I gave him his space although I was younger but I knew when to back out.
Some weeks later things were fine and he asked me if I could help with some money, he was sick. I had almost nothing and I told him so. I wanted visiting but he said there was no need.
I didn't let go, I traced the hospital and found it, he had taken me there once (he had to complete his treatment then). To my amazement there was another lady there with him. I concealed every pain and held my head up high. She was in his shirt and knickers. I wanted leaving after seeing him but he refused I leave. I could see my presence did make him uncomfortable and I insisted. He said he would be discharged now. He was and we all got in the car. I asked them to drop me off and once they left, I broke down. I tried to put myself at risk so that I would die but Allah sent some men who met me in the middle of nowhere. They preached to me seeing I was adamant and brought me back home. I didn't try again but I hoped that very soon I would die.
2 weeks later Jamil called saying I had abandoned him. I didn't care he was sick and wanted to see me. I said there was no need but he begged so I went. That day we had a long talk and I found out his intent of never wanting to further my education (maybe even marrying me). That even the money wasn't legal and so we broke up.
To this day I know it was for the best because I have never put myself at risk of suicide before. Not even after loosing my parents.
Alhamdulillah.
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