I met my wife when I went home for holidays she was the classical village girl. Pure, untouched and raw beauty. Her innocent smile captivated me, her naivety intrigued me how could someone so beautiful be stuck fetching water and firewood in dampa village…?
Being a pilot I naturally had seen all sorts of women but there something about Nana that made me doubt myself, it took me two weeks to even say hello to her, I just stared at her in awe of God’s awesome creation. Her skin looked like someone was bathing her with milk every day and night. I imagined how much more beautiful she would be with a modern skin regimen, Nana came to clean and cook for my grandmother anytime my grandmother was in the village with the firewood and daddawa Nana made delicious miyan kadi and tuwo nothing like the rubbish fast food that Lagos killed me with, and don’t even get me started on the delicious fura she made for us on Fridays I was really in love. All I wanted to do was capture her and put her in my pocket back to Lagos. I spoke to my grandmother about Nana and she refused the idea, her grouse was that Nana was an illiterate village girl and she couldn’t possibly fit into our family. I ignored her and still went to see Nana’s father With the help of my 5000 naira I was quickly accepted as a son in law by her parents. I was given the green light to start discussing with Nana. Her shyness when I started coming for zance made me want her more it was so refreshing to see a shy girl…unlike those crazy Lagos and Kaduna girls I was used to seeing and being with. I didn’t want my stay in Dampa to end I wanted to see Nana again and again I wanted to make her my wife. I didn’t care When I went back to Gusau, I told my uncle that I had found a wife and I told him I was ready to marry her right away. In fact I was going to marry her and take her back to Lagos with me.
I did this deliberately knowing that my uncle would support such a move. Unlike my father and mother who would raise hell Especially because of Nana's background My strategy worked. My Uncle’s wives quickly put together the required kayan lefe… and proceeded to Dampa Village.
From what I heard the village women were mesmerized and dazzled a date was set. I married Nana despite my parents’ annoyance in about a month. Destiny is strange sometimes and off to Kaduna we went. I knew my mother was happy despite her pretence in supporting her husband. Nana was shy and innocent when I left her in my mothers’ care I went back to Lagos to prepare for Nana’s arrival in Lagos. I was very pleased that my mother was growing to love and appreciate Nana as the days went by. My mother cleaned her up and taught her how to cook continental dishes, how to dress like a modern woman, how to be a modern wife it was hilarious how she struggled to get used to using a water closet (flushing toilet)... she would flush but run out of the toilet crying "wayyo" that the sound scared her." Soon, my sweet bride joined me in my flat in Ikoyi and we settled into marital bliss.
I enrolled her into a school for tutorials" Even though she was a village girl, nana was able to pass her WAEC exams. I wanted her to write JAMB and enroll into the university She was so dedicated and keen to learn. I felt good that I could give her an opportunity like this. It was so interesting to watch her shed that village naiveté and outlook, and embrace modernity and city living even though I went back to my Lagos girlfriends from time to time, nana was the queen of my heart. And when she got pregnant with our first child I was over the moon with joy! And when our first daughter was born I was overjoyed. I was over the moon My life completely changed from party going pilot to responsible husband/ father in 12 months. I told you destiny is strange sometimes. I promised from that day on that I would do right by my family no matter what. No more Lagos babes. No more recklessness After the 40 days wankan jego, my wife came home to Lagos to resume school in UNILAG. That’s when my troubles started. My friends and family had severally warned against sending her to UNILAG. Everyone said it was a bad idea They all suggested I send her up north to school. The suggestion made sense but I couldn’t bear being away from my nana. Especially now that she was polished and a mother to my daughter! No way. Nana completely took me by surprise when she started coming home with all sorts of characters in the name of class rep and course mates. They were always around her it seemed there was always one assignment or discussion to be done, and our home Really I was fine with all the assignment and discussion, I wanted her to excel what made me uncomfortable was her closeness to Taiwo, her male class rep and Edima her female classmate everything became taiwo this and taiwo that… at first I didn’t think anything of it because I chalked it up to her university experience. But slowly I began to notice more and more changes. Negative changes. I did not like the fact that he would call her late at night when I would be spending quality time with my wife. As a pilot those nights were not frequent . I cherished those nights One particular episode has stuck in my memory, we were making love and he kept calling her and immediately we were done she called him back. She was literally rushing to her phone to call him back. She was visibly annoyed that she had missed Taiwo's call I was stunned. He probably asked her why she missed his calls and she replied ‘You know this man is around, he was doing it as usual…’And she even kept apologizing to him in my presence! I don’t know if it was what she said or how she said it that pissed me off I wouldn’t tolerate such nonsense and I made it very clear to her.
After 2 weeks of giving her the silent treatment, she got the message. After our daughter Halima was born, we decided to take contraceptive measures so that Nana could focus on school. But She got pregnant She was so sad and depressed about it... I didn’t see the problem; Allah had decided to bless us so what was the fuss? But Nana went on and on about how it would ruin her figure and mess up her studies on and on..I tried to be there for her. Despite my crazy schedule I tried to make her feel that we were in this together. I even joked that I was too fertile and it was my fault. As the pregnancy progressed, I decided to get her someone from home to assist her in my absence. My mother sent us an elderly woman, Kaka In my mind I had sorted out the problem plaguing my soul mate. I didn’t know what was in store. One day while I was airborne, my wife went to a quack to try and abort the pregnancy to kill our unborn child. Because I was airborne no one could reach me. Kaka had called and called to tell me the situation at home. I rushed home Nana had tried to get an abortion done on the advice of her friends. The abortion was not successful... This girl went and put her life and the life of the unborn in grave danger. And for what? To please a Yoruba boy that was using her? At the hospital I took her to, by some miracle, they were able to stop the bleeding and save my wife and unborn child I wasn’t angry until I was sure that both of them were out of danger. I lost my trust for this woman. Was it childishness? Was it stupidity? What did she want from me? What did she want me to do for her? Was I that terrible as a husband?
The questions just kept on coming… I asked her why she thought she could do this to our child without consulting me first. I wanted to understand the rationale for putting her life and that of our unborn child at risk. I really really needed to understand. Nana refused to say anything. Not even a word. She just remained silent on the issue after seeking my forgiveness even though I told her I had forgiven her, I lied. I had no words to say fully the stuff going on in my mind Was it really possible that she decided to take the life of her own child? For what reason? For what reason? Did she really value her figure to that extreme level? Somebody that did not even know what a figure was or meant? I decided to send her back to Kaduna to stay with my mother. At least until the baby was born. I didn’t trust her enough to leave her alone at home. Especially not with my daughter… she was so angry when I told her. Her reaction was completely opposite of what I expected. She threw such an epic tantrum that I was stunned into silence. She was yelling and cursing all night… I couldn’t reconcile this fire breathing dragon with the meek shy innocent girl I married. Anyway, in the morning my family flew to Kaduna. I was left dazed and confused. What had I done to deserve all that was happening? Was it a mistake sending her to University? I resolved to get her settled in Kaduna since Kaduna State University was suitable No more Lagos Life for my nana. This decision helped to calm the storm in my heart. While Nana was in Kaduna I became bored. I was also lonely. I went back to the party scene. i was back to my old playboy lifestyle. No more family man.Only Lola and Kemi to help me enjoy Lagos nights And that’s how slowly I started drifting away from Nana. In fact by the time Nana gave birth to my son, we were hardly on talking terms. Even though it hurt me that she refused to tell me her real reason for the attempted abortion, I still loved her. Stupid,I know I spent many nights wishing she didn’t break my trust like that. And what’s worse she was mad at me for sending her to KD My marriage that had held so much promise and hope had turned into this huge mess. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to make things work. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to make things work. I did not honestly know how I would see Nana as my wife again. It was with all these heavy on my mind that I went to Kaduna to meet my son. I was so relieved to see that he was born healthy He had no defects as I had feared… I decided to name him Salim in hopes that his birth would bring peace to my home. I was in Kaduna for about a month and it was hellish to say the least. Nana tried to frustrate me in every way and manner possible. She insisted on returning to Lagos. She would dare me to divorce her whenever I said NO ‘Idan ka sake ni kai kayi asara, ni wani zan samu. You’re just a wicked man. I want my freedom from your wickedness. Mugu azzalumi…’ Mugu azzalumi…’ She called me azzalummi so much I started to think it was my nickname. I decided to divorce her. With a heavy heart I wrote that letter. I have never done something that was as hard I have never done something that was as hard as writing ‘na sake Ki sake daya’… daunting task it really was What hurt more was her reaction to the letter. She kept saying Alhamdulillah. How could she be so relieved? Shock. Or was she right about me being unjust and wicked towards her? What did I do to make this woman I loved so much I bore my pain with as much patience as I could. My mother was my rock throughout this trying time. Nana had left our daughter in her care, with the understanding that Salim would be returned after being weaned. My mother however always expressed hope that Nana would learn Nana would learn her lesson once the reality of village life hit her. I didn’t believe it until her uncles came to see my father. I didn’t believe it until her uncles came to see my father. They wanted us to sort our issues and reconcile They demanded to know my own side of the story. She did not tell them what happened. They were confused How would I start telling them that Nana had tried to kill our unborn child? What would be the point anyway? There was no need to go into details. The truth is that we could never be again like we used to be. I gave up. And it hurt. Despite the pressure I have been unable to open my mouth and say anything about what happened in Lagos. Neither has Kaka. All these years I have carried Nana in my heart. I can't seem to stop loving her Salim is a boy of 4 years now. He started school last year because he had delayed speech... he will live with it all his life. Nana comes to visit the kids who are still in my mother’s care. I fly back and forth between Kaduna and Lagos as much as I can. Nana comes to visit the kids who are still in my mother’s care. I fly back and forth between Kaduna and Lagos as much as I can. Nana has remarried in Gusau. She has gotten her degree too! We all seem to have moved on but my pain still lingers. Thank you for allowing me share my Divorce Diary with you. I hope that you will reflect and ponder on it. God bless you. Add 08066680993 on whatsapp to subscribe to divorce diary official whatsapp channel.
Special Thanks to jaruma magazine editor Fatima Zahra Danejo for sharing with us.
See you next week
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