Yasmin was my first love, we met in secondary school. And we were together like 10 years before we got married. I like to think she is the love of my life. Everything I knew and learnt about loving a woman is from her. Ever since our divorce I have not been myself. And it crushes me that she seems to have moved on without any regard to my feelings.
A rich man stole my happiness and destroyed my life, tempting my woman with riches. Let me tell you what happened.
Just before we got married I got a job with a construction company. The pay wasn’t fantastic but it was sufficient to keep a young man happy till the next paycheck. At the time Yasmin was under pressure to get married, especially because everyone in her family knew about us and how long we had been together. She told me we had to do something fast if not I would have to face the possibility of losing her. I couldn’t lose her. Especially not to a newcomer.
Eventhough I felt we needed more time,for me to be financially stable before we got married. But then I didn’t want to lose my heart and soul.
And so, we got married. With my family and I doing our best to satisfy her family’s seeming never ending demands. Yasmin is a Kanuri from Borno, and those people always demand a lot of items for marital rites.
The first two years were rough for us as we tried to settle down to life on modest means, with twins on the way. Those were truly hectic! Sometimes we barely scraped by but our love for each other kept us strong.
After our twin boys were born, life completely changed. I got a better job with a better salary. And Yasmin got a job as a staff with a pioneer telecoms company. As things eased up, I was able to give my beautiful wife the finer things in life.
Nothing made me happier than seeing her enjoy her first trip abroad. Alhamdulillah I thought to myself how lucky and blessed I truly was.
And then she changed. Yasmin became impatient with me. If she asked for something, and I wasn’t able to provide it immediately then all hell will break loose… at first she would give me the silent treatment and then she advanced to insults and threats. Naturally I was perplexed with her new behavior.
To add insult to injury I was always rebuffed when I asked for more children, our twins were already 10 years old… I yearned for more children but Yasmin always said her body needed more time. And this became a major source of tension between us. Our marriage changed. We became those people who argued and cursed and hissed. We were no longer the considerate lovebirds.
Yasmin buried herself in her work and she was always travelling across the country as her company’s operations expanded. And I had more money and time to spend with my twins. Yasmin was hardly ever home. And when we were in bed it felt like I was alone.
I missed my wife. I missed her warmth and her laughter. I didn’t want my marriage to be a burden. I wanted it to work. And so I set about trying to mend things. I surprised my wife with a cake just because it was Thursday, I bought bags and jewelry, and I apologized. I stopped talking about having more kids. I cooked and set the table, candle lit dinner weekly. I even bought her a brand new Benz. I really didn’t mind how much it cost; I just wanted her to smile at me with love in her eyes again.
And it seemed to be working. She stopped working late. She drastically reduced her trips, and spent more time with the twins. Life was back to normal. Almost.
A friend of mine visited me at home one evening and what he had to say blew my mind. He asked me how my father in law was doing….. He told me casually that he had seen Yasmin at the airport some months ago, with her father and they were on the same flight to Lisbon. I thought he was joking… my father in law had died 2 years before….. I was confused
I barely mustered strength to answer him and say that my Father In law’s health was improving.
At first I thought of confronting yasmin with the barrage of questions in my head but then a silent voice urged me to abandon the idea. Instead I decided to investigate the situation myself without letting my wife know what was happening. Also, I wanted to make myself believe that there had been a mistake. That my friend had mistaken someone else for my wife. There was no way my precious Yasmin was travelling to Lisbon with a man old enough to be mistaken for her father.
My investigations revealed that my wife had been having an affair with the chairman of the board of her company. For more than 2 years… To tell you I was gutted would be an understatement.
That night I took my wife out. I told her I had a special announcement… I marveled at how excited she was as she got dressed. I realized I did not know who this woman was anymore.
After our meal. I asked her why.
Why what?
Why? Why didn’t you tell me you were sleeping with Chief Gbadamosi? Why didn’t you tell me you went on a trip to Lisbon?
So you know..Mukhtar so you have known all this while? Kai Men are wicked.
You lied to me,you made me feel like I was doing wrong by you,yet you were sleeping with your boss. And you still call men wicked.
Its not like that,I was going to tell you. I have been trying to tell you that I am leaving you.
I froze.
Leaving me?
‘Yes Mukhtar I am leaving you. I don’t love you. I love chief and we are going to be happy together. You are a good man but chief can get me to places you have never even dreamt of.’
I was shocked. So she wasn’t even remorseful.
Mukhtar ka sake ni kawai. Ko da saki daya ne I don’t mind. Don’t be angry. That’s how God has ordained it will happen….
Yasmin,listen to yourself. What about your children? What about our marriage? Its been 16 years. What about me?
My children will be fine as long as you are alive Mukhtar. I am very sorry to say this but I don’t love you anymore, its chief that has my heart now.
It took me about 3 months to bring myself to writing that divorce. In hindsight I realize how naïve I was thinking my wife would be remorseful for her infidelity. I was foolish to think that we could work it out and forge ahead.
I still take care of my boys. Yasmin has moved to Lagos doing God knows what. The boys and I haven’t heard from her since the divorce. I hear the chief spoils her silly with money and gifts that she has even quit her job.
My heart is shattered. My trust was broken, my dreams aborted and my life is in pieces. I gave her everything. She gave me pain and rejection. Is money everything? Was she not comfortable enough?
Thank You for reading my #DivorceDiaries . ireally hope you learn from my experience.
See you Next week Insha Allah, A Special Thanks To Jaruma Magazine Editor
Fadimatu Zahra.
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