I got married when I was 19, My decision broke my parents’ heart they wanted me to stay in school and make something out of my life. I was studying accounting at the University of Jos. My father wanted me to become Accountant General of the Federation someday. I am the first born child, First daughter. My parents had so much hope in me and they spared no expense they spared no expense to ensure that I was comfortable in life…. I never had to
struggle for anything in life. And all they ever demanded was that I would do well and make them proud. Which I did in secondary school I was a top student with high flying grades. I won prizes and academic trophies all the time I was the perfect daughter When I look back now I can’t understand how I dimmed the light of my bright future with my own hands.
I met Bello when I was a jambite, He was a civil servant A staff of INEC. He was handsome and intelligent. I liked him immediately we met in front of my hostel. He came to drop off his sister from Gombe where they hailed from. I don’t even remember how we started talking. I just remember thinking that God had been unfair to this young man because although he was good looking he was short! I just know that after a week he became a permanent fixture in my life.
The nature of his job allowed him to have a flexible schedule and enough time to spend with me I was spending so much time away from school. I was losing interest in school. All I wanted to do in those days was spend time with my boo, my sweetheart. I flunked my exams. My parents were livid. What had I been doing in school while my mates studied? I wasn’t happy with my parents’ reaction but I had to make them understand that I was in love So when my mother confronted me, I told her that I had met someone and I told her clearly that I was in love I told her that I was finding it difficult to concentrate in school. In fact I wanted to get married. “Ni aure na ke so a yi mani”. My mother was surprised. She tried to make me realize that I should at least date him for a year. But no I was adamant.
Bello had said that I had to get married to him to become a complete respectable woman I believed him. And I loved him so much. What did I possibly have to lose? My father was very upset with me for failing my exams and for also being so rude to my mother He told me that he would not allow me marry just like that. He gave me a choice either improve my grades or forget about getting married ever. The next semester in school was crazy for me. First I tried to obey my parents and be a diligent student but then Bello had powerful influence on me. He kept pushing and pressuring me to marry him. He even made me believe that my parents did not wish me well by delaying our marriage. And I believed him I went home in the middle of the semester... I told my parents that I would not go back to school unless I was joined in marriage to Bello. My father told me that unless my grades and my attitude improved, he would never ever allow me marry Bello. He said over his dead body. I felt that my father was now my enemy. How could he stand in the way of my happiness?
I spoke to Bello, and he told me to run away and leave home. My home was with Bello, that's where I went Without thinking twice, I packed my bags and left for Motor Park. Straight to Jos No turning back. I stayed with Bello for 6 months. We were planning our wedding fatiha but we were having trouble finding an imam No imam would do it without my waliyy... the initial plan was for us to marry a week after I arrived Jos…but no imam would wed us.
So Bello and I went to see my maternal uncle in Kaduna. Kawu Tijjani was not happy to see me at all. He was especially cold towards Bello. After listening to is quietly...He told me that I would not accompany Bello back to Jos. He agreed to be my waliyy but I had to stay 3 months in his house to observe Istibrai (cleansing period). I was torn but I agreed. Meanwhile my uncle said he would try and sort out the situation with my parents. Those 3 months were long. I wasn’t surprised that my parents didn’t want anything to do with me, honestly I didn’t care.
D-day finally came. There weren’t many people at my wedding. Even Bello’s family did not bother to show up to receive and convey the bride. It was the elderly women from Bello’s office that came to collect the bride. I was so happy I didn’t care It was now I and Bello. Forever Or not. After the 6 months of being happily married, I discovered that I was pregnant. I was so happy. But Bello wasn’t. He wanted me to abort the pregnancy. I tried to but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it wallahi. That’s how it started.
First he begged and cajoled, then he insulted, then he hit me. Then the belt followed and the punches the first time he hit me I was too stunned to react! Like what the actual hell happened to my sweet loving Bello?? The beatings grew worse as my pregnancy progressed. It is still a mystery to me how my daughter made it. One day he was belting me and I cried out that I would leave. He stopped. ‘You are very stupid Shams, you can’t leave me.’ “Wallahi watch me’ I said He laughed a long wicked laugh “Where will you run to? Who else do you have? Ina za ki je? "Jakar banza kin bi namiji kin manta iyaye” After this incident, I knew I had to run far away from this animal For my baby and for myself.
I ran away on a Monday I had just 3000 naira in my wallet It was enough to get me Kawu Tijjani I got there with a swollen face. The next day I was taken to hospital. I was in labour I went through a grueling and excruciating 28 hours of Labor before my daughter finally arrived. I was tired and heartbroken but I was grateful to Allah. I fought for her life and every single minute had been worth it I named her Noor because she was the light of my life. Bello came on the 7th day without a ram. All he said to me was that he wanted me to follow him home immediately. I said my goodbyes and followed my husband. He was right I had nobody else but him. I had nowhere else to go but to him. No amount of beating would change that. Not that things improved between us in the following 3 years... he hated me. He told me that he was disgusted by me. Even though he catered materially for Noor and me, emotionally he was distant and cold. I couldn't believe this was the same man I married! He was completely transformed to a wicked demon! He never once took noor to hold her or play with her; he never really looked at her. It hurt me deeply how he treated her beatings got worse as Noor grew up and he started forcing birth control pills down my throat to ensure I complied with my promise never to get pregnant again.
Every time I brought up the issue of going back to school I got a resounding slap I got High Blood Pressure during this time and I got to a point that I had to critically examine my marriage I didn’t have a marriage. I felt like a well fed slave not a wife. And God was punishing me. What sort of life would my daughter have if I continued like this? So I left him This time for good. I went home to my parents who initially did not seem welcoming Thank God for my mother who took me in and gave me a safe place to heal. I begged for forgiveness After about 5 months at home, Bello sent me 3 divorces. I have never been so grateful to see a letter in my whole entire life. I am making steady progress with my parents and I can see my folks falling in love with Noor. I have enrolled at the Federal College of Education in Zuba. I am doing my NCE, while my mates are probably serving. But I don’t despair. If there is life there is hope. Thank you for reading my Divorce Diaries, I hope my story will prevent an innocent girl from making my mistakes.
Special thanks To Fadimatu Zahra Editor in Chief Jaruma Magazine.
See You next week Insha Allah, subscribe to our whatsapp number by adding 08066680993 on whatsapp for more divorce diary updates.
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