The Journey 1

Part 1:It all falls apart

*I would like to thank everyone who has logged on to read today’s post and to see what the blog is about. I also do hope that it has got your attention and my apologies for the slightly late post, you guys know how my mornings go ;-)

I walk into the delicately furnished hall and all of a sudden I want to run out again. But I can’t, because everyone is watching me, scrutinizing me, waiting for any sign of emotion or slip or composure.

People must be wondering why I came. They’ll gossip about it. About how I had the gall to show my face here. Well what about them? Those traitors. Now I know who they are too!

I want to take a seat at the back so that I can make an easy exit if need be but Aaminah, my sister in law, takes my hand and pulls me to a table near the front. I know she hasn’t done it purposely, she’s done it to support me but she doesn’t realize that this is worse for me.

I take a seat that allows my back to face the stage. I can’t bear to watch them all night, carrying on like this is some kind of happy occasion. Smiling while I’m dying inside.

I look at my mother in law. She’s wearing a look of permanent disdain. I know that she too, does not want to be here. She forces a smile when people get up to greet her.

The hall quietens down as the bride makes an appearance at the door. My heart beats faster, my breathing quickens. She’s plastered. She doesn’t look like that on normal days.

I realize now that I chose a stupid seat. I’m facing her as she walks to the stage. She stops nearby and glances at me with concern in her eyes. I look away and swallow the lump in my throat.

It’s her wedding day, but she’s not smiling. Under the circumstances it’s understandable but it still doesn’t justify what she’s doing.

Aaminah squeezes my hand under the table. I look gratefully at her with a small smile and look away as the bride passes.

My seat takes on a better quality as I spend the rest of the time facing away from the bride. I can’t bear to look at her. It makes me angry that she’s so plastered. It makes her look pretty and she isn’t!

I manage to sit through the speeches and the meal by pretending that I am not where I am. I know that people are watching me intently but so far I’ve managed to control my emotions.

Once the guests have eaten they make their way to the tea table. This is my time to escape. As I’m about to get up the groom comes to the woman’s side.

Is he stupid or something? How could he? Carrying on like some love struck teenager!

I look away but as he draws nearer our eyes meet. He looks at me with concern and in that moment I know my composure has slipped. My sadness is visible not only for him to see but for everyone else who is watching us too.

My heart shatters into a million tiny pieces and I can feel the tears prickling my eyes. Idiot! He knew how it would hurt me but he still did it.

Once he passes I get up and do my fastest slow walk out of the hall. I can’t run out even though I want to. People are still watching and I won’t give them the satisfaction of letting them see me cry.

As I reach the exit I turn back for one last glance. The groom is looking at me with concern. I can see that he wants to run out after me and I want him to.

I walk out and once I get to the parking lot I sprint to the car with no care who is watching. I just can’t be here for a moment longer. My heart has already broken into a million tiny pieces.

I get into the car and slouch over the steering wheel as I cry loud sobs that wrack through my body. I’m jolted by the sound of tapping on my window. It’s Aaminah.

‘Bhabi…’ she starts.

‘No’, I shake my head ‘you need to be inside’ I say.

Aaminah comes around and jumps into the passenger seat. She hugs me over the gear and handbrake.

‘It’s going to be alright’ she says as I sob into her arms. I pull myself away and then tell her that she needs to leave.

She looks at me sadly and then says: ‘Drive safely’ as she reluctantly leaves. A new round of tears start. Aaminah knows that I’m a nervous driver and that I usually don’t drive. I only took the car today to drive myself home.

I start the car and dry my tears. I can’t believe the groom didn’t come after me. Why the hell wouldn’t he? He is after all my husband!

To be continued Insha Allah