MY NAME IS FARIDA UMAR FROM PLATEAU
STATE. I AM 29 YEARS. I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE MY STORY WITH YOU.
I met Ahmed in my sister's house
when I was in my second year in the prestigious ABU studying architecture. The
tall handsome dude took my breath away instantly. He came to discuss a very
serious issue with my sister Habiba having been her best friend's husband. I
served him cold drinks and a variety of our home made snacks but he asked for
tea. I served him tea, I brewed the tea to the best of my ability just to
impress him, and believe me, and he was.
Ahmad is a well learned Ustaz with
his trousers above his ankle and his temple and cheeks full with beards. Ahmad
was always calling Allah that made me believe in him more. “Ni FARIDA na ga
miji” I told myself.
He knew I would be in the house for
my summer break made him visits Abuja frequent at that period. Ahmad
claimed to be a man of God. He can pass for a funky Ustaz, the way he calls
himself. We secretly started dating. Our love blossomed so quickly and he was so
loving and caring. Hell did not break loose until my elder sister Habibah got
to know about us.
She's the eldest daughter of our
family, Baba's chief adviser, she vowed to talk to Baba into not approving our
marriage, Ahmad's wife been her best friend, she said " ai wannan cin amanan bazata ganshi ba"
We stopped seeing privately, we made our relationship public. I went and
informed my mother about all that was happening. She did not say much because
she does not have any right over me, “gidan
wani take aure”. She separated with my dad since before I was born, she
only stayed back to put me to bed because the separation was bitter, Baba said " bazata shayar da diyar sa ba".
That was how my step-mom took me like her own.
I told Ahmad to bring himself
forward but he refused, having known that Baba said “baze bashi ni ba”, Yaya Habibah has poisoned his mind about the
whole thing. We dated for years, later on parted ways because Ahmad took
another wife along the line; their marriage lasted for just six months. That didn't
stop me from thinking twice again about been with him again. Hadiza, (his
second wife separated with) hmmm, her own story is different and bitter too. We
were back with Ahmad again; I eschewed from my family's reservation and
continued seeing Ahmad, after my graduation, I was desperate to get married
like every other lady.
Baba did not change his decision and
I didn't change mine too. People started questioning my stubbornness and
loyalty to Ahmad. There came out the fetish part of everyone around me. “Ahmad yayi min asiri saboda shi ana ta
zargin shi mallami ne, but be taba nuna min hakan ba”. Anybody that tried
to talk me out of the relationship became my sworn enemy, but Ahmad made me
believe I could live without them all, he is my world and I was his gold.
Controversy upon controversy, Ahmad refused to come forward or send his parents
for proper introduction; he claimed he was scared Baba won't listen to them. He
started backing off again, “ya fara
neman wata ze aura”, they did formal introduction and all the necessary
procedures of a contemporary northern wedding, but whenever I asked him, he
flatly denied it and accused the girl of liking him. That was how I
dumbfoundedly believed him. It was at the dying minute that the girl's parents
changed their minds about marrying her off to Ahmad; they returned all that was
given to them concerning her wedding. He was so much hurt that he came back to
me with full force. We started all over again and with wedding plans “kaman ni zan aurar da kaina”. He was
still in love with that girl but I don’t care as long as he’s with me. He
wanted to get married on or a later date not far from his wedding day with the
other girl, but that didn’t happen. I did all that I could to see that we got
married the default traditional way with showers of blessings but it didn't
happen, Baba refused.
Ahmad lured me with his pep talk, he
talked me into getting married to him in a court and I agreed. We went to the
grand Khadi of the state and explained our ordeal with a lot of lies and he
agreed. All arrangements were made and we got married in a court on a Tuesday, “se ka ce wata bazawara mara Gaba”.
I was so happy I was married to the
love of my life without Baba's full consent. His wife was not aware of it too.
She was just told "ki shirya za'a
kawo miki amarya gobe" and she fainted so I was told. A little walima
took place when I was taken to Ahmad's house. We went to Niger republic for our
honey moon. He furnished an apartment for me the usual way. We became enemies
with Amina, we hated seeing each other, that was just the beginning of my misery
in my then matrimonial home.
Women kept trooping in and out of my
house to see Ahmad, they are all his clients. Am a very jealous person but for
Ahmad, “business dins hi yakeyi”,
it's very true shi mallami ne and we all know women are the highest patronizes
of such business. I started frowning about the whole thing but he can never be
stopped. I was always fighting his clients out of jealousy and they complained
bitterly about it. We always had huge fights whenever I maltreated them. “Fadan yau daban na gobe daban”, he
would even scold me in their presence and I couldn't do anything. The most
painful thing is I have no one to cry to.
I started having morning sickness
but I scaled through and bore Ahmad a bouncing baby girl. The second year of my
marriage was the worst year of my life. Peace never visited my home, I never
lacked any material thing throughout my stay but I lacked peace of mind, care,
affection and love. I thought the love I showed Ahmad would be reciprocated in
folds of mine but at times you can swear Ahmad forgets of my existence.
That was when I started regretting
my actions towards my father and started weighing options.” Fushin iyaye”, karma was catching up with me. I was always in an
eyesore state due to the plague treatment I was given by Ahmad. I was I
prisoner by how spell. I started praying for a break through. That was how I
realized my wrong. I cried in every night. Ahmad had series of girlfriends
including his married clients. “Allah a
baki amma babu a zuci, Allah ya yi mana tsari”. Amina laughed at each and
every quarrel we picked. His parents became the children and him the father,
they are scared of him. They never scolded or question him.
I started thinking of what to do
with my life, because I thought if I've something doing, it could reduce a lot
of worry I was facing at that time. I told Ahmad I wanted to start something
but he declined instantly, telling me who's going to allow me work; imagine
after all those ABU years. I can't blame anyone for all those; its karma
catching up with me earlier than I thought, even though I thought Ahmad would
change but he got worst by the day. I started contacting my relatives
gradually, some treated me like an epidemic, some were indifferent and some
made me understand my wrong and treated me like a sister they have ever
had.
My father, I can't face Baba, but
blood is blood, he's my father, he never stopped praying for me, even though he
didn't want to see me at all at that time. I didn't stop praying and the spell
Ahmad casted upon me was lessening by the day. I told my mom and aunt to
organize prayer sessions for me; it was at the tail end of my suffering that
that I realized what happened to me. Was it my fault...? Or is it that I showed
Ahmad so much love to show my father he had more power over me. “Allah ya isa ban yafe ba”. Whenever I
cried I told Ahmad he has daughters that he so much loves too, same shall be
replicated to him in no time. “Ai ba'a
ma Allah wayo”, but Ahmad would laugh and mock me, telling me I can't do
anything because I had nowhere to go to. I laughed too and just looked at him.
I made the greatest mistake of my life by showing him so much love and he used
that as an advantage over me.
Without his knowledge, I started
making more amends with my family, especially my paternal relatives. It was
very difficult but I had to do it and I got it right. After our first
daughter, our quarrels increased by the hour, we couldn't tolerate each other
one bit. He's the nagging type and I couldn't take it anymore. I gathered
courage and asked him for divorce but he refused just because he wanted to show
me how much in control of me he was. I was so happy when he finally divorced me
after series of serious fights. I went to my aunt's and she had to accept me
because she was one of the few people that didn't disapprove of our marriage.
When I stayed for almost a month with her, she asked me when I'll be due for
delivery. I was perplexed, my response made her laugh and she said" FARIDA
ciki ne me kuma baki sani ba". I was devastated but I was three months
away. She took me to the hospital and my greatest fear was confirmed. I sent
Ahmad an SMS informing him of my condition but the sarcastic response he gave
was" in kin aihu ki kawo min da
na". Most at times I sit and think of how barbaric a man could be. If
my father would swear to me Ahmad will be this bad to me, I would have slayed
him, but see how he changed instantly.
Alhamdulillah, am still nursing my
second daughter, Ahmad is still yet to see her in person, but we are healthy
and happy. My family members are been a bit pathetic yet things aren't normal
but still doing my best to see that they are.
Thank you for sharing my divorce
diary, hope you learn one thing or two from it. Family is everything, family
first no man is worth leaving your family for. Never go against your parents.
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