Divorce Diary Season 2 Episode VIII 30th Jan 2016

My name is Dr Rahima bunu, am a medical doctor I would like to share my divorce diary with you….
I met my husband on Facebook, we got talking and I realize that we had a lot in common, our friendship lossomed. I was 22 and arewa girl, I was already pressured into marriage by my dear mother, my friends had started answering ‘Mrs’. Naturally my mother felt if I didn’t get married soon I would be old maid, and being a medical students I wasn’t ken on marriage then.
After we met offline, I started to have a feelings for Sheriff. He was tall, had a killer smile and always smelt nice always kungane irin abun nan ai ko? He was
the 2nd child in a family of 13 children. He was also the eldest son already in his 30s and successful businessman. He was also from a wealthy family, don’t get me wrong am not a longer throat but I wasn’t about to enter a struggle life.
One day he came to see me in school, one thing led to another and we kissed. Next thing I remember we were visiting hotels regularly, so I couldn’t live with the guilt anymore and I told him to leave me alone, this was after six months of sleeping around. He refused and assured me he wanted to marry me and make me his wife. He convinced me and felt guilt too, he proposed to me in his car.
I was happy and overjoyed! Very soon I would join the ranks of my married friends. “Ni ma zan zama matar wani” I was overjoyed as in eh! It all happened so fast. The tambaya and the marriage preliminaries went by so fast I couldn’t keep up. A week to the date of bringing my Kayan Lefe I became unsure. With all the preparations around me I had started getting cold feet, I started hearing stories from different random people of how shocked they were to learn I was marrying Sherriff. Like bad things a highly respected member of our community visited my father to ask him why he was allowing me to marry Sherriff without bincike there were allegations of him being a drug addict and a serial womanizer. My mom was having none of it Ai the show must go on .hmmm it was not with a happy mind that I got married on that Saturday, I just couldn't shake off that feeling Wallahi.
        With my society wedding all over Instagram and my pre wedding photos everywhere u would think I was on top of the world I was NOT. An daura aure and I'm supposed to be the blushing bride right? I played my role well and saw the envy among my friends. I was now a wife so after all the formalities, I was taken to my house and my aunts set about preparing me for my big night. Ango was nowhere in sight My Ango was nowhere to be found! Can u imagine my anguish? A whole me Fine kanuri wife on my wedding night with no Ango I can't even describe to you my anguish when he called to say he would be coming home late, On our wedding Night. My aunts couldn't wait for him and left I was left all alone. In my new home with only turaren he came back around 1am, he knocked and I opened looking at me in my sexy underwear and all he could say was 'baby I'm tired' and he fell asleep.
              I went to my room I looked at my 14 boxes of Lefe and I suddenly felt that I would not be happy here, I went to sleep and that is how my horrible journey with Sherriff began. Over the next few days he pretended in front of visitors and ignored me He ignored me when we were alone but he was the darling husband with people around. Na Shiga uku na lalace, it would shock you that my marriage was consummated a month after. A whole month let me tell u how it happened about a week after we got married he told me not to sleep in his room. He wanted us to sleep separately. He would look for me if he needs me that’s how one night he barged into my room and basically just mounted me like a horse, before I even realized he was done and sleeping, I was happy at least finally I'm sleeping next to my husband for the first time. Praise be to God. In the morning I promptly prepared his food and served him breakfast in bed. He seemed happy and we even gisted, I was happy. For like 3 months we were friends even though the night visits didn't continue but at least he wasn't ignoring me I felt ill and went to the hospital, I was PREGNANT 12 weeks gone. I was very happy I called oga hubby his response was quite cold. He said he would discuss it when he got home.
  I was baffled He came home to tell me that I had to abort the pregnancy because he wasn't ready to be a father, He said being a father would make him stop getting high and he was not ready to stop getting high. Na bani Long story short, I went through my pregnancy alone. Thank God I wasn’t a full house wife and I was earning money. . And he still pretended to be doting husband o. Everyone thought I was lucky people envied me, If only they knew when I started having contractions I told him. He hissed and drove out of the house. I was able to drive myself to hospital.
 I had a beautiful baby boy after like 14 hours of labour. Kai it's not easy, I was overjoyed I was now a mother in my culture you go home to be looked after when u have your first child. I was happy to be home and away from oga negative during this period I realized the terms of my marriage had to change. I couldn't raise my son in such a home, I must do something before my Jego period was over I decided I wasn't going to unlook Sherriff and his drugs anymore. No no no, my mom confronted me when she noticed since the day I gave birth Sherriff had come only once to see me and my baby. Hmmm I opened up to her, expecting some consolation. Mama said 'aure haquri ne'. Ki cigaba da haquri, just be patient. Na wa o So I opened up to her, expecting some consolation. Mama said 'aure haquri ne'. Ko cigaba da haquri, just be patient. Na wa o She said I should not bring shame to the family by asking for a divorce or even confronting him to change. Chai is it fair?
     After my 40 days my mum quickly packed me and my son Aminu back to my husband’s house. I wept bitterly so I decided to tell my mother in law hoping she would caution her son. Ha! She told me that she didn't like me because he told her he didn't marry me a virgin. And as such it's not her concern how he treats me. I was shattered, Why me?
    She went as far as saying they didn't think Aminu was their grandchild because Sherriff told her he'd only touched me once Toh Fah!! I was shocked after all this you would think I would confront my husband and even leave him ko? No I didnt want to bring shame like a wounded lion I went back to my life of entertaining junkies and late nights with no sex. Only my son kept me going I noticed he hardly acknowledged or played with our son. Even the public pretense don stop sighs.
   After about a year and a half I turned to God. And I prayed and I prayed for God to fix my marriage, the more I prayed the more we became strangers. I couldn't understand it but I kept my faith one day just like that, I was leaving for work and he sent a text. We were in the same house but sent texts. He said he has divorced me I can't explain to you how terrible I felt me? A whole me? Divorced? A bazawara? Never! I ran to him, felt on my knees and started begging him to please reconsider. He was having none of it, I was deflated. What would mama say? What would people say? Oh Allah help me. If u see the beating I collected that day from him ehn So I went home, bruised and battered after Sherriff had called my son a bastard! Oh Allah. It was official I was now bazawara
    My mother was frantic and upset his family people came and said Sherriff divorced me because he didn't know if Aminu was his child my mother on her poor training. That she had given them a street girl for a wife. Just imagine, that was 5 years ago. Aminu is now in school. It hasn't been easy sha. Even my family ridicules me sometimes Thank God I went to school and Thank God I had something doing. I am able to comfortably take care of myself and my son It's still something I struggle with especially the shame of being a bazawara. Such a dirty word I still struggle with my parents. They are not so keen on my status and have been pressuring me to remarry this time I won't bow to the pressure. Allah is sufficient for me. I will stay strong and be the best mom I can be. Add 08066680993 on whatsapp to subscribe for divorce diary.
Thank you for allowing me share my story, I hope you have learnt from it.
Special thanks to jaruma magazine editor in chief Fatima Zahrah.










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