A couple of days ago, a senior colleague asked me in passing why I was bent on making women hard. What a question! After turning his statement over in my mind, I have attempted to put down on paper why exactly I write this column. Simply put, to equip as many females as possible with the proper skills to make informed choices, as many women lack the skills, knowledge, and power to relate with men in an empowered way. Many ladies have found themselves in situations they did not bargain for out of sheer ignorance as a result.
As I told another friend earlier in the week, marriage is a business transaction, not an emotional one. In spite of what many believe, the most important decision in life should not be taken emotionally. Believe it or not, when a man decides to get married, more often than not he has a picture and checklist of qualities of a marriageable woman in his mind; some of which are that she must be chaste, hardworking, humble/submissive, well bred, homely, healthy, and able to bear children etc. He is also quite capable of co-opting parents, relatives, or friends in the search. For some men, they would not consider their conquests as marriage material. Women on the other hand are usually more emotional in their decision making, using their hearts instead of their heads.
I love what Steve Harvey says about the relationship between a man and a woman in his bestselling book; Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. In it he said, “Men respect standards, get some.” Many females lack principles, without which no self respecting man will take you seriously. Why? Because they lack self respect, and little or no sense of self worth, they go for anything, and accept anything. You need to have rules by which you live your life, and abide by. When a decent man with a plan comes along, he will recognize it, and appreciate you for it. Any wonder that bitches (who use their heads not their hearts in their dealings with men) seem to get the best guys.
Women need to decide who and what they want, or need. They need to learn to understand how men think; their needs and desires in order to wisely choose the right man. Furthermore, they need to learn to identify the different types of men so as to identify the man who best fits their needs. Above all, women need to realise that until a man is ready to commit, it will never happen. Scheming or manipulation never works, and when it does, is counterproductive. Even when you get the man, you won’t have his heart. Honestly speaking, not all women (or men) want to get married, and there are seasons in a woman’s life that demand a certain type. An indigent student might not want to get married; choosing to be with a man to foot the bill for her education, and other expenses, for such a female, money is a priority. For some, sex, not necessarily marriage is a priority, another female might want to get married, and would require a certain type of man, not to mention attitude and body language. However, all three females’ requirements mean that their attitudes and body language will differ, if they must get what they want. Unfortunately, many women send mixed signals. A man looking for a wife would not seriously date a lady who gives the image of a fun seeking, good time girl; flimsily clad, flirtatious, if not promiscuous, but might not be averse to casually date her, and enjoy any favours she might have to offer. Unfortunately, he might also choose not to tell her that she is not the type of woman he can marry.
Prior to contemporary times, young people did not choose their spouses, but had parents, or older relatives who helped them choose spouses. These experienced people understood what marriage meant, and the qualities required to sustain an enduring marriage. Parents took the time and effort to train their children with the future in mind. Females were expected to be chaste, well bred, homely, industrious, courteous, healthy, able to bear children, and any other number of traits. For men, they were expected to be industrious, settled in a trade or some form of livelihood, responsible, strong, healthy, and so on. A good reputation was important because no one would give their children or wards to people deficient in character (home training).
Divorce rates have soared since young people got the freedom to choose their spouses for the simple reason that youth is not synonymous with wisdom, but passion. Unfortunately, passion is not a solely necessary ingredient for a lasting union. The sexual revolution has not helped matters either; less than a hundred years ago, studies showed that on the average, most people slept with no more than four people in their lifetimes. Today, some people do more than four a week, or month; any surprise that many in their thirties and forties are in a second or third marriage, and the figures are even higher in Europe and the US.
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As I told another friend earlier in the week, marriage is a business transaction, not an emotional one. In spite of what many believe, the most important decision in life should not be taken emotionally. Believe it or not, when a man decides to get married, more often than not he has a picture and checklist of qualities of a marriageable woman in his mind; some of which are that she must be chaste, hardworking, humble/submissive, well bred, homely, healthy, and able to bear children etc. He is also quite capable of co-opting parents, relatives, or friends in the search. For some men, they would not consider their conquests as marriage material. Women on the other hand are usually more emotional in their decision making, using their hearts instead of their heads.
I love what Steve Harvey says about the relationship between a man and a woman in his bestselling book; Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. In it he said, “Men respect standards, get some.” Many females lack principles, without which no self respecting man will take you seriously. Why? Because they lack self respect, and little or no sense of self worth, they go for anything, and accept anything. You need to have rules by which you live your life, and abide by. When a decent man with a plan comes along, he will recognize it, and appreciate you for it. Any wonder that bitches (who use their heads not their hearts in their dealings with men) seem to get the best guys.
Women need to decide who and what they want, or need. They need to learn to understand how men think; their needs and desires in order to wisely choose the right man. Furthermore, they need to learn to identify the different types of men so as to identify the man who best fits their needs. Above all, women need to realise that until a man is ready to commit, it will never happen. Scheming or manipulation never works, and when it does, is counterproductive. Even when you get the man, you won’t have his heart. Honestly speaking, not all women (or men) want to get married, and there are seasons in a woman’s life that demand a certain type. An indigent student might not want to get married; choosing to be with a man to foot the bill for her education, and other expenses, for such a female, money is a priority. For some, sex, not necessarily marriage is a priority, another female might want to get married, and would require a certain type of man, not to mention attitude and body language. However, all three females’ requirements mean that their attitudes and body language will differ, if they must get what they want. Unfortunately, many women send mixed signals. A man looking for a wife would not seriously date a lady who gives the image of a fun seeking, good time girl; flimsily clad, flirtatious, if not promiscuous, but might not be averse to casually date her, and enjoy any favours she might have to offer. Unfortunately, he might also choose not to tell her that she is not the type of woman he can marry.
Prior to contemporary times, young people did not choose their spouses, but had parents, or older relatives who helped them choose spouses. These experienced people understood what marriage meant, and the qualities required to sustain an enduring marriage. Parents took the time and effort to train their children with the future in mind. Females were expected to be chaste, well bred, homely, industrious, courteous, healthy, able to bear children, and any other number of traits. For men, they were expected to be industrious, settled in a trade or some form of livelihood, responsible, strong, healthy, and so on. A good reputation was important because no one would give their children or wards to people deficient in character (home training).
Divorce rates have soared since young people got the freedom to choose their spouses for the simple reason that youth is not synonymous with wisdom, but passion. Unfortunately, passion is not a solely necessary ingredient for a lasting union. The sexual revolution has not helped matters either; less than a hundred years ago, studies showed that on the average, most people slept with no more than four people in their lifetimes. Today, some people do more than four a week, or month; any surprise that many in their thirties and forties are in a second or third marriage, and the figures are even higher in Europe and the US.
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