My name is Sulaiman Tanko. I am 36 years old. Am an architect and I would like to share my #divorcediaries with you.
I was one of those people that married for love, yes I am a hopeless romantic and I was looking for my Cinderella. I met my wife khadijah at my brothers wedding ,it was love at first sight! She was a tall exquisite beauty. I couldn’t stop staring at her she was like something dropped straight from heaven. Her beauty was out of this world. I went to sit next to her at the wedding dinner and we got talking. Not that I was even listening to what she was saying. I later found out she was the bride’s cousin “yawwa! fadiwa yaz daidai da zama”. she was a law student at BUK and She was brilliant, we ended up talking till 2am when the dinner was through. I couldn’t get enough I wanted and had to see her. From that day on I became obsessed with khadijah, I was always on the phone with her either chatting or texting
.
Khadijah loved the law and that irritated me to be honest, she was more concerned about her classes and law school than me. I couldn’t wait to have her as my wife, so 6 months later I brought it up with her but she only laughed and said not now, I was pained. You see I never felt secure being her boyfriend I wanted her to be mine, all mine. I was obsessed with her. Another 6 months passed and it was her birthday. I hatched up a plan, I bought a ring and surprised her with a birthday cake. This was at Bagauda Campus of Nigerian Law School. I put the ring in the cake her expression was priceless. She said YES!
I got to meet her parents and they loved me. I was finally secure and assured that Khadijah will be mine.3 months later we were man and wife. I won’t share our honeymoon details with you but I would say it was the most blissful period of my life. I was the happiest man alive. We settled into marriage and khadijah started her NYSC, she was serving at a big law firm in Abuja and I went back to work. Slowly but surely khadijah became more and more immersed in her work. Everything was about clients and cases, statues. It wasn’t long before we started fighting,I wanted her to be my all not some job plus I wanted a baby but she told me she wasn’t ready.She became too busy and I became busy as well by the time we knew it we were drifting apart by then it was our 2nd anniversary..
How could my khadijah not want a baby with me? What does she mean by saying she’s not ready!? See me see wahala!I decided maybe it was time to be less selfish, I stopped grumbling about her work and tried to be more supportive but khadijah was in love with her profession despite my best efforts I still came home to late dinners and a tired wife. By the time it was our third anniversary, my wife was a high flying attorney on the rise. I was proud of her, she was a hard worker. So here I was ,great job, beautiful wife and no kid. Suddenly I got this huge promotion at work and I was able to find more time to spend with my darling but the distance between us was vast. It was like she was a different person from the girl I married. By our 4th anniversary we were constantly fighting baby versus career. I started to suspect that she was being unfaithful with her boss. The mind is a dangerous thing, I had no proof to validate my suspicions, this further drove us apart. One night, after working late she came home, she was in pain, she said she had pain in her abdomen so we rushed to the hospital. At the hospital while she slept the doctor told me my wife took herbal medicine to abort her pregnancy. I was stunned. Khadijah, my Khadijah? shock and disbelief, she got pregnant? She wanted to abort it? Haba???For weeks afterwards I was a shell. How could she do this to me? What’s more? She went on with her life as if nothing happened. It bothered me a lot that she still wasn’t ready to have our baby. What hurt me the most was that she was always so tired for intimacy. I started to lose my cool, it was as if she was doing it on purpose.
Weeks turned to months and even though I was bitter I still loved my khadijah. Love is strange. By this time our parents have started asking questions and dropping hints. Where were their grandchildren? I was boiling inside. It was after our 5th anniversary one night I confronted her, I told her I knew about the abortion .I demanded an explanation ,I was shocked by her response. Khadijah found out she was pregnant and decided having a baby was bad for her career. She said it would slow her down. She didn’t want a baby to mess up her plans. She said the timing wasn’t right .So she decided to source for madaci, the herbal mixture to abort it. she said this quite calmly. I got si mad, so mad.I wanted to beak her into pieces and feed her to the dogs. Why was she behaving like a lunatic? I was watching myself pronounce the talaq “Na sake ki saki daya”. I still loved her but I was mad as hell. That night I couldn’t sleep, Khadijah was another human being. She was busy parking her stuff. In the morning I begged her to stay I wanted us to work on our marriage, I didn’t want to lose her. I begged her to at least stay and observe her idda period with me, but it was as if she was waiting to leave.
She said she loved me but I was becoming a liability, I was devastated, I had lost her. That was 4 years ago. I still see her on TV sometimes, she’s quite the activist now. She’s made a name for herself. I miss her a lot. As bitter as I am I still wish her well and I can’t stop loving her even from afar. Maybe one day I will get over this.
Thank You for reading my divorce diaries
Add 08066680993 on whatsapp for update on next EpisodeI was one of those people that married for love, yes I am a hopeless romantic and I was looking for my Cinderella. I met my wife khadijah at my brothers wedding ,it was love at first sight! She was a tall exquisite beauty. I couldn’t stop staring at her she was like something dropped straight from heaven. Her beauty was out of this world. I went to sit next to her at the wedding dinner and we got talking. Not that I was even listening to what she was saying. I later found out she was the bride’s cousin “yawwa! fadiwa yaz daidai da zama”. she was a law student at BUK and She was brilliant, we ended up talking till 2am when the dinner was through. I couldn’t get enough I wanted and had to see her. From that day on I became obsessed with khadijah, I was always on the phone with her either chatting or texting
.
Khadijah loved the law and that irritated me to be honest, she was more concerned about her classes and law school than me. I couldn’t wait to have her as my wife, so 6 months later I brought it up with her but she only laughed and said not now, I was pained. You see I never felt secure being her boyfriend I wanted her to be mine, all mine. I was obsessed with her. Another 6 months passed and it was her birthday. I hatched up a plan, I bought a ring and surprised her with a birthday cake. This was at Bagauda Campus of Nigerian Law School. I put the ring in the cake her expression was priceless. She said YES!
I got to meet her parents and they loved me. I was finally secure and assured that Khadijah will be mine.3 months later we were man and wife. I won’t share our honeymoon details with you but I would say it was the most blissful period of my life. I was the happiest man alive. We settled into marriage and khadijah started her NYSC, she was serving at a big law firm in Abuja and I went back to work. Slowly but surely khadijah became more and more immersed in her work. Everything was about clients and cases, statues. It wasn’t long before we started fighting,I wanted her to be my all not some job plus I wanted a baby but she told me she wasn’t ready.She became too busy and I became busy as well by the time we knew it we were drifting apart by then it was our 2nd anniversary..
How could my khadijah not want a baby with me? What does she mean by saying she’s not ready!? See me see wahala!I decided maybe it was time to be less selfish, I stopped grumbling about her work and tried to be more supportive but khadijah was in love with her profession despite my best efforts I still came home to late dinners and a tired wife. By the time it was our third anniversary, my wife was a high flying attorney on the rise. I was proud of her, she was a hard worker. So here I was ,great job, beautiful wife and no kid. Suddenly I got this huge promotion at work and I was able to find more time to spend with my darling but the distance between us was vast. It was like she was a different person from the girl I married. By our 4th anniversary we were constantly fighting baby versus career. I started to suspect that she was being unfaithful with her boss. The mind is a dangerous thing, I had no proof to validate my suspicions, this further drove us apart. One night, after working late she came home, she was in pain, she said she had pain in her abdomen so we rushed to the hospital. At the hospital while she slept the doctor told me my wife took herbal medicine to abort her pregnancy. I was stunned. Khadijah, my Khadijah? shock and disbelief, she got pregnant? She wanted to abort it? Haba???For weeks afterwards I was a shell. How could she do this to me? What’s more? She went on with her life as if nothing happened. It bothered me a lot that she still wasn’t ready to have our baby. What hurt me the most was that she was always so tired for intimacy. I started to lose my cool, it was as if she was doing it on purpose.
Weeks turned to months and even though I was bitter I still loved my khadijah. Love is strange. By this time our parents have started asking questions and dropping hints. Where were their grandchildren? I was boiling inside. It was after our 5th anniversary one night I confronted her, I told her I knew about the abortion .I demanded an explanation ,I was shocked by her response. Khadijah found out she was pregnant and decided having a baby was bad for her career. She said it would slow her down. She didn’t want a baby to mess up her plans. She said the timing wasn’t right .So she decided to source for madaci, the herbal mixture to abort it. she said this quite calmly. I got si mad, so mad.I wanted to beak her into pieces and feed her to the dogs. Why was she behaving like a lunatic? I was watching myself pronounce the talaq “Na sake ki saki daya”. I still loved her but I was mad as hell. That night I couldn’t sleep, Khadijah was another human being. She was busy parking her stuff. In the morning I begged her to stay I wanted us to work on our marriage, I didn’t want to lose her. I begged her to at least stay and observe her idda period with me, but it was as if she was waiting to leave.
She said she loved me but I was becoming a liability, I was devastated, I had lost her. That was 4 years ago. I still see her on TV sometimes, she’s quite the activist now. She’s made a name for herself. I miss her a lot. As bitter as I am I still wish her well and I can’t stop loving her even from afar. Maybe one day I will get over this.
Thank You for reading my divorce diaries
Credits to Jaruma Magazine Editor Fadimatu Zahra @jarumamagazine
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