My name is Zahra Mustapha, I am 38 years old. I am from Katsina State and I would like to share my #DivorceDiaries with you.I was married to my husband Abdulaziz Mustapha from Kogi State for 18 years. We have 3 children. I met my husband in Yola. I had gone to stay with my elder sister who was married to a Fulani man in Yola. Abdul was my brother in law’s protégé so to speak. He was learning the business of petroleum products distribution. He was always with my brother in law. He had just finished his NYSC and was hoping to set himself up in the business and I was fresh out of Secondary school. I was helping my sister take care of the home while waiting for my results in 1995.
The first time I met Abdul I didn’t like him, I thought he was arrogant and had a big head so I ignored him a lot. I once told my niece that I could tell he was from Okene because of his big head, Little did I know that he would be the father my sons. When my WAEC results came out, I didn’t do well. My sister was upset with me and I was also upset with myself. All my dreams of becoming a chief judge were dashed. It was a really low moment for me, but Abdul started to encourage me. One day he came to pick my brother in law’s lunch and he spoke to me in a gentle voice, he told me not to be discouraged.
That’s how our friendship started. He encouraged me to apply to the school of legal studies for a diploma in law. At least it’s a step forward. Abdul soon became the highlight of my day. I looked forward to hearing his voice in the kitchen while he played with sisters kids. We became very close friends and I learnt that he was the first child in his family and that his father had passed away. Abdul was not a drug user, he always prayed on time and was very respectful and cordial to others. I envied his Girlfriend. I knew I had fallen for him when my niece remarked that I didn’t make fun of his big head anymore. It was now magnificent head.
One day, as we were chatting late at night, Abdul told me he wouldn’t mind having a wife like me,I was so flattered. I answered him by saying that I couldn’t marry him because he didn’t have enough money to afford a lawyer like me. To which he answered that he was saving to meet up the requirements of marrying a woman like me,I burst out laughing. He told me he wasn’t joking. He said: “I want to marry you Zara, if you will manage me”. I was so shy I ran into the room and For the next two weeks I avoided him. I was so embarrassed fa! I kept dodging him. Usually he would pick me up at the bus stop but to avoid him Na fara hawa machine. One day mu kayi accident da machine and I broke my leg. While at the hospital my sister took care of me. Abdul didn’t come to see me and I was pained. So I asked my sister if he was still around and she said that he had gone back to Okene. She also told me that she knew what happened. The embarrassing feeling returned again. She told me Abdul was a nice guy, but I should focus on finishing my diploma. As the months passed and I healed, I kept missing Abdul. Those days there were no GSM phones only landline. No email no pinging. The only phone in the house was in My brother in Law’s parlour. I kept wondering where I would get Abdul’s no in Okene. A week after I finished my exams, Abdul returned to yola. I was overjoyed. I cooked a special dinner that night. My better half was home, And days later he asked me if I would be his wife, I gave him an excited YES. I was glowing. This man completed me.
Abdul and I got married on the 26th of August 1998. I will never forget that day! It was like being in a dream. And his family adored me,his mother Hajiya was so kind and loving. We settled into life in Kaduna. We had a one room flat in Badarawa and the toilet was a pit Latrine outside the house. It was poor but it was my home. Even though we were from relatively comfortable families, we were not spoon fed. We had to hustle and struggle our way through life.I remember after my first son was born, we were so broke that all we had was one tin of sardine and 2 slices of bread to share.
The fourth year of our marriage, was when everything changed. Abdul became very prosperous in business, and we moved to A 4 bedroom house in Malali.We were closer than ever and enjoyed a happy marriage,Life was good. My two other sons were born. I was blessed. As the years passed by I nursed the idea of going to university and then Law school to become a judge. But Abdul always told me to wait. Wait till the children are older. Wait till they enter primary school etc etc. before I knew it my first son was turning 12. I started pressuring him but he kept giving me excuses. We started arguing for the first time in our married life. We argued and argued. He kept insisting that since we were now rich I didn’t need to become a judge. But I reminded him that being a judge was a dream I had since childhood, I wanted to be judge even if I was Mrs Bill Gates..this upset him the more. I was hurt by this attitude and so I let it be for peace to reign. I didn’t like arguing with my husband,I would do as he wished. I let it go.
Just like that, 2 years later Abdul told me he was getting married to a second wife. Out of nowhere,Tabdijam! After all my sacrifice? After all the love and care and years of harmonious living? Namiji mugu ne. Over my dead body! How could he do this to me? So because he now had money? Everyone in his family that I ran to told me to bear it with patience. That it was what Allah decreed,I did not listen. I have given him the best years of my life. Someone I married as a young shy 19 year old. Wallah ya cuce Ni. So I confided in my friend Hajia Rabi. She was an older woman who was in her forties then. I knew she would tell me what to do. Hajia Rabi took me to see malam abdullahi aka Lakkum. At first I abhorred the idea but I decided to try and see. I spent so much money,I sold some of my gold jewelry and even borrowed money. I even lied to Abdul about expenses. The more money I spent, the more I became distant from my husband. I started to hate him, the ingrate. I would teach him a lesson.
Ana cikin wannan rashin jituwan I started hearing rumors that Abdul was building a mansion in Maitama area of Abuja for the amarya. He was planning to keep me in this old 4 bedroom house while his Amarya would live in a mansion. As I started my investigation,what I found out only added to my agony. His Amarya was a doctor,a consultant pediatrician who was also Hajiya Rabi’s niece. I was so upset I couldn’t control myself,I confronted Abdul and he confirmed it and rebuked me for snooping around. He asked me to mind my business. From then on Abdul started restricting my movements,He hid all the car keys and hid all my gold jewelry. He stopped giving me cash too. This was obviously because Hajia Rabi told him of our trips to Lakkum but I didn’t care. I would not be turned to a prisoner in my home. After all if I couldn’t go to a malam, a malam could come to me.
I continued talking to different malamai on the phone and struggling to pay them, even stealing from my husband to pay them. All to no avail because Abdul married Samira and there was nothing I could do about it.. Before my very eyes I lost my bighead. He stopped coming home. He sent word that the kids would be moving to Abuja to stay with him. He took my children away,He took my love away and Left me imprisoned in his house with nowhere to go. I was depressed and suicidal. Slowly slowly I started thinking about killing myself. After all what else did I have to live for?For one year I contemplated killing myself. Till one day I got the strength to try it. Abdul had showed up to the house with his new wife and the children that day. He was even glowing. The fool.
They had come to “visit” me he said. After one year of only communicating through text. After one year of sending me food. Nonsense! What hurt me the most was that my babies were all over her. The witch had jazzed even my children! Truly I was a loser. So I went to the kitchen calmly and released the gas cylinder. I could hear them in the living room saying “gas Na leaking” So I took a lighter and walked close to him. “Ko ka sake Ni ko kuma duk mu qone “I could see the look of disgust on his face. I didn’t see it coming when he slapped me, then it became wrestling. He beat and beat me. With the lighter out of my hand I heard my houseboy running to the kitchen. I heard the security come in to drag him off me,I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to die in his hands. After all wasn’t I already dead? He finally stopped beating me in front of the kids and told Salma to go with them. He dragged me into our room and started yelling. About how I had betrayed his trust by going to see a malam. How he stopped sleeping with me because I had jazz that would mallake shi. How he had been suffering in silence… Which suffering please? I was the one who had lost everything. For hours we went back and forth yelling and screaming like mad people. I had hoped his conscience would make him see what he had done. He divorced me that night. After 18 years of marriage. It was all over.
With everything he told my family I have become an outcast. But at least I’m now studying Law, I can still become a judge. I have no access to my kids. I only hear about them from my sister who visits them. I know one day they will look for me.
I hear he is even wealthier now, and I wonder if he will marry another wife for Samira, She deserves it anyway. I regret my actions but then I was only trying to keep my husband. Someone I had sacrificed so much for. I’m still depressed but life goes on. I know one day I will be better Insha Allah.
Thank you for sharing my #DivorceDiaries. I hope you will learn from my ordeal.
All thanks to Fadumatu Zahra@Jarumamagazine
Twitter handle @insidearewa
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Of all the Divorce Diary stories I have read, this particular one touched me the most becausE I feel as ensemble of deprivation. This is just from the words of Mrs Zahra whom without that of Mr Abdulaziz we can't say what's the truth or judge between what is right or not. For almost two decades a woman gives her all (especially from her ten age age which is the most vibrant part of one's life) to her marriage, her husband, her children, atleast of she looses everything let it not be her kids. Mr Abdulaziz may be done having her as a wife but please its too much of a pain to deprive a woman from her child. What has happened can never change, she caused no harm to be given such a torture. Allah is sufficient for us all en He alone and no one can explain the bonds between a mother and her child.
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