My name is Dada Salihu, I am 34 years old and I would like to share my #DivorceDiaries with you.I met my husband Muhammad at university. Muhammad and I were together for four years before we got married, Muhammad is a firm believer in being careful about decisions. All through the time we were together he treated me like a princess, he “upgraded’’ me on campus. I say that because I came from a home that struggled to make ends meet, a lot of things were out of my reach. Even getting the money to buy my JAMB form was a struggle, I didn’t have the latest fashion or gadgets and I was clueless on campus. After Muhammad graduated I found it difficult to adjust to life on campus without him, I was so insecure that without him I could die.
I don’t know if it was the idea of romance in my head or the numerous RnB songs I listened to that lead me to do what I did. In the second year of our courtship I decided to give my virginity to Muhammad, I felt doing that would make him mine forever. Pretty soon we were at it every opportunity. I used to visit him from Gwags to Ilorin where he was serving. For a about a year we were using contraceptives to prevent pregnancy. We were so reckless afterwards and I became pregnant. I told him I was pregnant. He initially rebuffed me and warned me to stay away from him. I was so confused! He let me stew in confusion and fear for about two weeks without me knowing what to do next, before accepting it was his.
Hmm my people that was how I went to a dirty clinic in Gwagwalada to abort my 9 week pregnancy. Without any proper medical attention I went back to school and I decided I would never subject myself to such ordeal again. I would face my studies from now on. I even stopped answering Muhammad. For like 6 months I was strong and resolute to lead a new pure life. But then… Love is a strange thing. Muhammad came to my hostel and begged and begged and cried. Begged me to listen to him For two weeks this man badgered me. He said he couldn’t live without me. He wanted me back. He begged me to marry him. I was not sure if I wanted to. But then I thought about it and if he didn’t marry me no one else would since He disvirged me, he impregnated me and made me have an abortion. He and no one else should marry me. Plus I had known him for 4 years. I knew him like the back of my hand. What could possibly go wrong? So I agreed to be his wife.
We got married and my wedding was beautiful and classy. All was perfect. I was happy and my parents were too. We were happily married most of the time, except for one nagging issue, our childlessness. Three years and not even a miscarriage. It didn’t bother me that much because he was the one who caused it. Why should he bother? I was so confident in my husband ehnn. I knew nothing will happen to my marriage besides he knew me and loved me. He didn’t need children afterall he was the cause of our childlessness and he told me that he didn’t even want my body to spoil because of pregnancy. Despite my in-law’s’ threats my husband was by my side all through. He defended me and protected me. Or so I thought…
I started hearing rumors of my husband’s womanizing antics from my friends. They said he was on the loose in town. From the stories I heard I couldn’t believe it was the same kind and loving man I was married to. Everyday new babe new story when I confronted Muhammad, I was assured of his commitment to our marriage because he denied everything. 6 months later, I got a phone call from a girl who called herself Rashida. She said she has called me to warn me to free Muhammad since I was a barren woman. Shockwaves went through my body! What “Ke Juya ce(barren woman), ki ba ni wuri inzo in bashi yara,Banza namiji me zaman mace” I had never felt so humiliated So this was what I had been reduced to? Being insulted by prostitutes? I was devastated. That night when he came home I confronted him, that was when i saw the real Muhammad. He slapped me for asking him about Rashida.
The truth was out, I decided to do something about it when he told me he would be marrying Rashida in 3 months. I went to the market and bought rat poison after cooking his meal, I would pour the rat poison and kill the lying bastard. I don’t know why he came home early that day, but as I was stirring the rat poison into his soup, he walked in and saw me He asked me what I was doing. I couldn’t say a word I was just sweating. Next thing I knew he was beating the hell out of me. He gave me three divorces and told everyone what I did.
Not a day passes by without me regretting what I did and wondered how things would have turned out if I had done things differently.Thank you for reading my #DivorceDiaries.
I hope you have learnt an important lesson from it.
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Credits to Jaruma Magazine Editor Fadimatu Zahra @jarumamagazine
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