#Divorce Diaries, Episode 3 saturday

My name is Suleiman Bashir. I’m a Banker from Kaduna and I would like to share my # DivorceDiarieswith you.I am 34 years old. I was married to my ex wife Fatima Bashir for 4 years and we have a daughter Ummi.I met my wife Fatima through a family friend. The person thought we would make a good match.It was at the time in every arewa boy’s life that mummy starts dropping hints. Family starts making jokes about your bachelorhood.I was working and my mother couldn’t understand why I was still unmarried after 2 years of being employed.It was also that time when I started detesting my empty lonely flat. I told myself I was ready.It’s very common for northerners to meet their spouses through
someone’s recommendation.My uncle asked me to go the house and ask of Fatima. He said she would make. Good wife.That’s how I met my wife.To be frank I wasn’t happy when I saw her. She was looking a bit matured for my taste. She was pretty,but in a mature way.She greeted me and her warm smile immediately disarmed me. She told me she was a civil servant.I was annoyed that my uncle sent me to talk to a woman not a girl. So she had even finished NYSC? Not my spec at all.Well I was already here so I might as well tell her the reason. I told her someone recommended her highly. I waited for her reply.She told me she had no one and that she would love to get to know me better. I wasn’t happy because I was hoping she would turn me down.I told her no problem I would be coming regularly to see her. After all she’s a matured babe,she won’t play games
The candid truth is that I did not pursue her the way I would have,if she was young and beautiful.I just wanted a wife. Someone who would keep my bed warm and beat me kids. And she came highly recommended. No need to chase her.After about three months of visiting Fatima for zance, she told me her father requested to see my people and that was it. Matters were now in the hands of the elders. They chose the date and everything.We got Married soon after that. My house was fully furnished. My wife was ready to be a mom. What could ever go wrong.My wife was like a robot,too eager to please me. She even started supporting Man-U because I was a fan.She refused to share her mind with me and that annoyed me. She just did whatever she was told like a little pet
Even in bed,I would ask what she preferred and she would sayduk yanda ka so. I was annoyed,I didn’t want a lap dog I wanted a wife! What the hell did I just get myself into? I was annoyed and bored.Everything was so routine with Fatima. From the meals to the conversations to the sex. Everything ma the same.I was bored, Bored out of my mind I tell you. I tried to get to know her but all I got was what I heard about her ,very frustrating!
I confided in my friends and they all told me I was married to a dream wife. Every man wanted to have a wife that didn’t argue.That’s when I started to look for other women. I needed spice in my life. Hot Pepper Spice!You wouldn’t believe the number of women that threw themselves at me. Married men must be hot cake I guess with the money I was making,I could have almost any woman I wanted. That’s when I met a similar restless spirit,hafsa
Hafsa was an undergraduate student. She was an unserious student to my delight at the time. She was always free to see me.I spent less and less time at home and more and more time with the Vivacious and exciting Hafsa!I loved the way she was her own person and not a lap dog.She was wild and I loved to tame her. She was opinionated and I loved to listen .
More and more I was connecting with Hafsa and forgetting about my responsibility at home: a pregnant and obedient wife.I had so much disdain for Fatima. I wondered who she really was behind that silly obedient persona.Maintaining Hafsa was costly. She was always buying something. Or moving into a new flat or her car needed fixing..endlessly.I didn’t mind at all. She was my lady. My lady deserved only the best of everything.At this time my docile wife gave birth to my bundle of Joy. Ummi was the light of my life.Ummi’s birth didn’t make her parents closer but it made me have respect for Fatima. She was such a good mother.I started thinking of marrying Hafsa. With the way my life was going we might as well be married.It was so bad that a lot of people actually thought Hafsa was my wife. I didn’t mind. She had me whipped. I asked Hafsa to marry me but She said NO.She said I was already a bad husband to my wife if I wanted her I would have to convince her I would be a good husband to her.What Nonsense! I was annoyed but I swallowed my pride and set out to impress Hafsa. Spending money like a fool.Then finally she told me she really loved me and wanted to marry me but she couldn’t share me.I wondered what she meant. Because she owned me. I was proud to tell my wife that she didn’t please me like Hafsa did.I assured Hafsa that I would not allow myself to be ‘shared’. She owned me out rightly and completely.I told her the truth. The only thing keeping my marriage was my daughter. Nothing more and nothing less.I tried my hardest to convince her that I was hers. That my wife was a mere appendage. It seemed to work. And so she accepted to be my wife. But there was a problem
She told me that her parents were poor and they could not affordKayan Daki. I would have to sponsor the whole wedding,I said nowahala. My lady shall not want for anything so we started shopping for theKayan Lefeand theKayan Daki.Money was no object.After months of Shopping, I went to meet her uncles for introduction. I didn’t go with any of my friends because they hated Hafsa. I should have known something wasn’t right. Who receives only their in law without any questions?Haba! They gave me a date. They asked me to return on that date. I had a bad feeling,but I couldn’t shake it
I asked Hafsa why they asked me to come on that date instead of giving me a date fordaurin aure. She said it was their tradition.
Two weeks later I heard from Hafsa’s freinds that she was getting married to one Salihu guy. I dismissed them as envious tales ,Hafsa told me she was going to Sokoto to see her aunt. She said she wanted to personally inform her of our wedding.Women are truly evil. Do you know I actually dropped her off at the airport? With a kiss
After that I couldn’t reach her ,for two days I tried unsuccessfully to reach her, I decided to call her uncle. I called him and he asked me to come and see him. I was confused and frustrated when he told me that Hafsa wanted me to divorce my wife first before the wedding.He said Hafsa would only switch her phone on if I divorced my wife before marrying her. I agreed,that night I sent Fatima packing out of my house. I picked a fight about Ummis toys being all over the house and divorced her.Early in the morning I went to her uncle to tell him the deed had been done. He called Hafsa and she said she was ready to be my wife.
It’s only now in hindsight that I realize how stupid and useless I was. This girl had turned me into a slave.When mywaliyysummoned me to explain why i had divorced my wife , I told him I was tired of herkuma Na Barta da AllahI said to him.I told him I couldn’t open my mouth to say the problems in my marriagethat Fatima had done unspeakable things to me. He believed me.
After a week Hafsa was still not back from Sokoto. I was beginning to miss her. She said she would be back soon.The 2 weeks became 2 months. I was agitated and becoming impatient.To make matters worse Her uncle had stopped picking my calls.Hafsah had switched off her line. I was at a loss as to what to do
So I called one of Hafsa friends and she confirmed my worst fear. Hafsa had gotten married t a commissioner in Sokoto!
It’s been a year since I last heard from Hafsa. I lost a lot of money and I lost my family too.I always feel ashamed of myself whenever i go to see my daughter. Fatima always wondered why I divorced her.Worst of all, Fatima will remarry after karamar Sallah
I pray for forgiveness everyday. Thank you for sharing my # DivorceDiaries. I hope you will not make my mistakes.
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Credits to Jaruma Magazine Editor Fadimatu Zahra @jarumamagazine
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