My name is Maryam Abdulaziz. I am 22 years old and I would like to share my #DivorceDiaries with you. I got married at a pretty early age, right after secondary school. I
was just 16 and he was 31. I got married to Adamu Kabir, a civil servant
from Adamawa state. Being Fulani, we got married the proper way. We
were chosen for each other and this system has worked for
centuries.After writing my WAEC I was sent to Yola by my parents. I was
staying with my grandmother who informed me that my marriage was soon,
she told me about my husband to be Adamu whom everyone referred to as
‘chubado’ the chosen one.
On the day we were to formally meet, I was prepared with kurkum treatment to meet my husband to be for the first time, this first meeting is very important because it will determine whether we will get along or not, It was on a Friday. I will never forget that day because it rained heavily and everywhere was cool. He came with his cousin Abdullahi, I fell in love from the moment I set my eyes on him. He was tall, handsome (in the way we Fulani girls like) and polite, He was a calm gentleman as opposed to his talkative cousin abdullahi, who kept cracking dry jokes, we talked about our lives. He told me he worked with the NDIC in Abuja and that he had attended ABU Zaria, I was very happy when I found out more about him. We had a lot in common, the wisdom of our elders has been proven! After a week of visiting me every night with different gifts, he said he wanted to take me out on a date. I was excited A Fulani man with a romantic side is quite the catch! He wanted to take me to a boat ride across the River Benue, against my grandmother’s wishes I followed chubado to the banks of the great river Benue to enjoy a magical boat ride, He really courted me. He was pleasant and kind and polite, what more could I ask for? I told him I agree to be Mrs. Adamu From this point on, our families took over everything. A date was set and the formalities began, I discovered more about him He was always calling to check up on me. He loved me,showered me with gifts and made me feel on top of the world.
And so I got married to the man of my dreams, the man I would grow to love more and more in the journey of my life. My marriage was almost perfect except for my mean mother in law,who disliked me though I never really understood why. I discovered this from the first day I met her at the sotugo her first remark was that I was ugly, As soon as I settled down to marital life, my mother in law made my life a living hell… She started disturbing me about babies she told me to quickly get pregnant, she criticized every single thing I did. All through her mean ways my darling husband stood by me. He always advised me to be patient. And then when I finally got pregnant. Instead of being happy, she moved in with us to allegedly take care of me, she told my husband that she was not looking forward to seeing my ugly children. I couldn’t understand her, and I just couldn’t please her. In my culture a mother in law doesn’t cook in her daughter in law’s kitchen. Mu na da kunyan juna, but with Inna she would criticize my meals and proceed to my kitchen to cook what she wanted, she was scrutinizing my every move, asking me about everything I did. If I was sitting in my parlor watching TV she would come and switch the TV off and insult my parents for raising a lazy girl and If I was in the bathroom taking a shower, she would knock and yell that I should stop wasting water, If I went out of the house she was counting the minutes and waiting to descend on me with insults.
I was harassed in my own home, so one day I told chubado that I had had enough, I was tired of being treated like a prisoner in my own home his response shocked me. He suggested I follow inna back to her house and stay there till I gave birth, he reasoned that if I was in her care she would be duty bound by culture to be courteous and motherly to me, I agreed. And a week later I was off to live with Inna, little did I know what hell awaited me. Inna started giving me concoctions to drink. I refused but she was adamant and forced it down my throat, saying I would need the strength to deliver the baby. I told my mother who chided me to be obedient to my mother in law, I was on my own, what hurt me the most was that she forbid me from any ante-natal care, She even told my husband hospitals make women weak and he agreed. Even though he was still caring and loving, chubado seemed to have become powerless towards his mother. Leaving me to face her alone, she never let me rest, it was from one chore to another. Even though I hated cooking because of my pregnancy, she didn’t spare me. After about three weeks of living with Inna, I was in serious pain, i thought my back would blow out and I would die. One night I woke up in so much pain, it was around 2 am. I used all my willpower and strength to crawl to Inna’s room and knock on the door, I knocked with all my might and it seemed like it took forever for her to get up, she said I should wait for the driver to come, I should wait for the driver to come in the morning!!! I couldn’t take it. I begged her as she closed her door, fortunately for me chubado’s cousin Nafisa woke up and quickly drove me to the hospital. I had miscarried the pregnancy, I was devastated to say the least, I lost my baby and this woman would blame me. And my husband wouldn’t stand up for me, so I called my mother in the morning and told her what happened, she was shocked but urged me to be patient. By this time my husband had still not answered his phone or come to see me. When my mother arrived at the hospital, I opened up, I told her everything and she said I wouldn’t be going back. When my husband called back, it was to tell me that I should go home he would meet me there, I was confused. Back at home, my family listened in shock as I narrated my ordeal with Inna. They were all angered, in the evening my husband came to tell me that he was disappointed in me for exposing his mother to my family. Fulani wives aren’t supposed to talk back at their husbands but I couldn’t resist, Sai da na wanke shi tatas. How dare he? My father summoned him and asked him to explain, this man sat there and told my father that I had lied against his mother, he said his mother had told him that I was drinking concoctions for months to get rid of the pregnancy, My father was quite incensed at this allegation. He told chubado that if he was tired he should just divorce me. Chubado was begging my father, that it was my fault that his mother was good to me, but my father was having none of it.
As I recovered at home, I started to see Inna for who she really was a wicked witch. As much as I loved my husband, he had failed me and I resolved never to live with her again. If my husband would not protect me from her, then I would not stay with him too Shikenan.If she killed my baby she could kill me too, I was not going to be her slave anymore. And that is how I demanded for my divorce. Did u know I was shocked?With no hesitation, chubado wrote my Saki. So there I was 18 years old, bitter and divorced. I went back to school and now I’m about to do my NYSC.
Over the years chubado has tried to come back into my life and I have refused. I loved him but he did not stand up for me. Thank God I have understanding and supportive parents because being a divorced Fulani girl is hard. Thank you for letting me share my #DivorceDiaries with you.
Add 08066680993 on whatsapp for update on next Episode
Credits to Jaruma Magazine Editor Fadimatu Zahra @jarumamagazine
On the day we were to formally meet, I was prepared with kurkum treatment to meet my husband to be for the first time, this first meeting is very important because it will determine whether we will get along or not, It was on a Friday. I will never forget that day because it rained heavily and everywhere was cool. He came with his cousin Abdullahi, I fell in love from the moment I set my eyes on him. He was tall, handsome (in the way we Fulani girls like) and polite, He was a calm gentleman as opposed to his talkative cousin abdullahi, who kept cracking dry jokes, we talked about our lives. He told me he worked with the NDIC in Abuja and that he had attended ABU Zaria, I was very happy when I found out more about him. We had a lot in common, the wisdom of our elders has been proven! After a week of visiting me every night with different gifts, he said he wanted to take me out on a date. I was excited A Fulani man with a romantic side is quite the catch! He wanted to take me to a boat ride across the River Benue, against my grandmother’s wishes I followed chubado to the banks of the great river Benue to enjoy a magical boat ride, He really courted me. He was pleasant and kind and polite, what more could I ask for? I told him I agree to be Mrs. Adamu From this point on, our families took over everything. A date was set and the formalities began, I discovered more about him He was always calling to check up on me. He loved me,showered me with gifts and made me feel on top of the world.
And so I got married to the man of my dreams, the man I would grow to love more and more in the journey of my life. My marriage was almost perfect except for my mean mother in law,who disliked me though I never really understood why. I discovered this from the first day I met her at the sotugo her first remark was that I was ugly, As soon as I settled down to marital life, my mother in law made my life a living hell… She started disturbing me about babies she told me to quickly get pregnant, she criticized every single thing I did. All through her mean ways my darling husband stood by me. He always advised me to be patient. And then when I finally got pregnant. Instead of being happy, she moved in with us to allegedly take care of me, she told my husband that she was not looking forward to seeing my ugly children. I couldn’t understand her, and I just couldn’t please her. In my culture a mother in law doesn’t cook in her daughter in law’s kitchen. Mu na da kunyan juna, but with Inna she would criticize my meals and proceed to my kitchen to cook what she wanted, she was scrutinizing my every move, asking me about everything I did. If I was sitting in my parlor watching TV she would come and switch the TV off and insult my parents for raising a lazy girl and If I was in the bathroom taking a shower, she would knock and yell that I should stop wasting water, If I went out of the house she was counting the minutes and waiting to descend on me with insults.
I was harassed in my own home, so one day I told chubado that I had had enough, I was tired of being treated like a prisoner in my own home his response shocked me. He suggested I follow inna back to her house and stay there till I gave birth, he reasoned that if I was in her care she would be duty bound by culture to be courteous and motherly to me, I agreed. And a week later I was off to live with Inna, little did I know what hell awaited me. Inna started giving me concoctions to drink. I refused but she was adamant and forced it down my throat, saying I would need the strength to deliver the baby. I told my mother who chided me to be obedient to my mother in law, I was on my own, what hurt me the most was that she forbid me from any ante-natal care, She even told my husband hospitals make women weak and he agreed. Even though he was still caring and loving, chubado seemed to have become powerless towards his mother. Leaving me to face her alone, she never let me rest, it was from one chore to another. Even though I hated cooking because of my pregnancy, she didn’t spare me. After about three weeks of living with Inna, I was in serious pain, i thought my back would blow out and I would die. One night I woke up in so much pain, it was around 2 am. I used all my willpower and strength to crawl to Inna’s room and knock on the door, I knocked with all my might and it seemed like it took forever for her to get up, she said I should wait for the driver to come, I should wait for the driver to come in the morning!!! I couldn’t take it. I begged her as she closed her door, fortunately for me chubado’s cousin Nafisa woke up and quickly drove me to the hospital. I had miscarried the pregnancy, I was devastated to say the least, I lost my baby and this woman would blame me. And my husband wouldn’t stand up for me, so I called my mother in the morning and told her what happened, she was shocked but urged me to be patient. By this time my husband had still not answered his phone or come to see me. When my mother arrived at the hospital, I opened up, I told her everything and she said I wouldn’t be going back. When my husband called back, it was to tell me that I should go home he would meet me there, I was confused. Back at home, my family listened in shock as I narrated my ordeal with Inna. They were all angered, in the evening my husband came to tell me that he was disappointed in me for exposing his mother to my family. Fulani wives aren’t supposed to talk back at their husbands but I couldn’t resist, Sai da na wanke shi tatas. How dare he? My father summoned him and asked him to explain, this man sat there and told my father that I had lied against his mother, he said his mother had told him that I was drinking concoctions for months to get rid of the pregnancy, My father was quite incensed at this allegation. He told chubado that if he was tired he should just divorce me. Chubado was begging my father, that it was my fault that his mother was good to me, but my father was having none of it.
As I recovered at home, I started to see Inna for who she really was a wicked witch. As much as I loved my husband, he had failed me and I resolved never to live with her again. If my husband would not protect me from her, then I would not stay with him too Shikenan.If she killed my baby she could kill me too, I was not going to be her slave anymore. And that is how I demanded for my divorce. Did u know I was shocked?With no hesitation, chubado wrote my Saki. So there I was 18 years old, bitter and divorced. I went back to school and now I’m about to do my NYSC.
Over the years chubado has tried to come back into my life and I have refused. I loved him but he did not stand up for me. Thank God I have understanding and supportive parents because being a divorced Fulani girl is hard. Thank you for letting me share my #DivorceDiaries with you.
Add 08066680993 on whatsapp for update on next Episode
Credits to Jaruma Magazine Editor Fadimatu Zahra @jarumamagazine
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