My name is Hauwa Musa. I am 27 years old, an indigene of kebbi state. I want to share my # DivorceDiarieswith you. .
I used “beautiful” because truly he was beautiful. His beauty was feminine and the type that makes women curious. I met him at the Mr. Biggs near the samaru campus. Turns out he was a regular there. We quickly became friends, in fact I loved going to Mr. Biggs to wait for him just to see his beautiful face.
One thing led to another and before I knew it I was missing classes to hang out with him at Mr. Biggs. I was in love with this beautiful man. I hated the semester holidays wallahi, they took me away from him and when his graduation loomed, I was gutted. I decided to open up to him and i told him I was in love with him in front of Amina hall. He smiled and kissed me, he said he was in love with me too and He told me he wanted us to get married immediately he finished NYSC. I was over the moon. I didn’t sleep that night because Kabir would be mine.
Yes! I focused on my studies while Kabir embarked on NYSC. I worked very hard and I graduated with a 2.1 which was no mean feat back in my day, and my Kabir had finished his NYSC.
“Time to get hitched” I went back to Birnin Kebbi to prepare for our small wedding. We were both unemployed so money was tight. On our wedding night he told me how he was proud of me and he promised me never to let me down or hurt me. And i believed him. After the honeymoon in sokoto, Kabir moved to Abuja to look for a job. Leaving me with my in-laws in sokoto. My mother in law was a very kind woman, she treated me like her own daughter, and she taught me so many things about life. My Father in Law was extremely generous towards me so I was happy, my in-laws loved me and my husband adored me. Everything was set.
In the first year of my marriage we agreed that Kabir would come home once every two months. It worked at first, but then I noticed Kabir’s desire for sex had reduced. He was always tired or he would say the journey was long and tiring from the airport “hmm”
The house we lived in was in Mabera area of Sokoto and I did not think Mabera was that far from the airport gaskia. I thought a man who hadn’t seen his wife in two months would be raging with desire and lust for her!! I didn’t understand what his sudden reluctance was about and so this went on for about a year and a half. The sex was so rare it sometimes felt as if every time was my first time. I loved my in laws but by this time, I was yearning to live with my husband. In our own home. And so I asked Kabir to allow me follow him to Abuja, at least so we could live together as husband and wife. He refused. His reason was that he didn’t have enough money to support a wife in Abuja. He said Abuja was a harsh town so his visits will be once every 6 months because he wasn’t making enough money to be flying to sokoto. I was annoyed with his decision and upon all that, he told me not to argue, as only bad wives argue with their husbands. He assured me he still loves me and he wasn’t hiding anything. That’s how I managed with seeing my husband only twice that year. Looking back now I don’t even know how I did it.
Suddenly Kabir made it big! He became rich overnight! He bought me a brand new C-class and also bought a house in sokoto on Abdullahi Fodio Road. I asked him where all this money came from, he told me he had started contracts with different ministries. I was excited for him. This was like in the fourth year of our marriage. He finally moved me to Abuja. I was staying in a serviced apartment in Wuse 2. My dreams were coming to reality but I was quickly disappointed because my husband was never home. The only good thing was he had secured a job for me at his friends firm.
As I settled into my job, I began to become suspicious of my husband and the company he kept in Abuja. They didn’t seem to do much, rather they just dressed nice and went to someone’s office to jist and pass the time. I wondered how they made money. His friend that I worked for was also like that, He didn’t do anything and the office was handling a lot of projects. He never went anywhere. He was always in the office entertaining his friends. He never went for any meetings with clients. I was so preoccupied with my work that I was able to cope with my sexless marriage. I used my work as an escape.
One day, my boss Jamilu called me to his office with the guise that he wanted to discuss something important with me, so I became nervous. Jamilu started by saying “I am aware that your husband ignores you, but don’t worry I will fill that void for you” I was shocked and scandalized. As I stood there frozen by shock, he grabbed my hand and drew me to him. I pushed him off and told him what a disgusting pig he was. What he said next broke my heart to tiny little pieces. He said he was only trying to help me feel like a woman because I was married to somebody’s bitch. I asked what that meant and he asked me to go home and inquire from my husband what that meant, I was confused because somebody’s bitch meant my husband.
I drove home in tears and waited patiently for Kabir. Jamilu’s words kept playing back in my mind. Was Kabir gay? Was he sleeping with men? When he came home, I told him what transpired and to my surprise he broke down in tears and he admitted he was somebody’s bitch indeed. He told me that a certain highly placed public official had become his lover. And that’s how he had been living this lifestyle. He told me that he didn’t want to have sex because he didn’t want to pollute me with his impurity. I was in a daze! Then he told me that I was free to make Jamilu my lover if I had needs that he didn’t fulfill. He begged me na rufa mishi asiri. My initial reaction was to stab him continuously till all the blood from his body is drained and flowing on the floor. Who was this wicked soul? How could this beautiful man utter such ugly and horrible words?
It was divine grace that kept me calm, I told him I needed time to think. I went and packed and the next morning I went to sokoto. It’s funny how my husband showed me more concern in those 2 weeks than he had done in all our four years of marriage. He called nonstop and I told him I wanted a divorce. He quickly granted me one talaq. I was feeling a mix of emotions. Bittersweet emotions. It wasn’t easy at all, especially with all the questions from family and friends, but my faith in Allah kept me going. I went back to school and just last month, i concluded my Masters.
I still get hurt especially when people insult me for being divorced. People say I’m an ungrateful woman who left when the money arrived, that I was a greedy woman who was impatient and demanding. But people don’t know. But Allah knows. And He will make me ok. In shaa Allah I will be fine someday. Thank Goodness I am educated and able to take care of myself and my siblings and parents. Thank you for allowing me to share my #DivorceDiaries with you and I hope you will learn from my story.
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Credits to Jaruma Magazine Editor Fadimatu Zahra @jarumamagazine
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